Single, Fabulous and Sick Of It!
You've probably heard it a thousand times: everyone telling you
that you can have an exciting life as a single and that you
don't need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled...
Much of the advice we get about being happily single is
well-meaning but how much of it is practical. If it is your
choice to be single and you are happy that way, good for you.
But if what you really want is to be in a relationship, how
happy can you be sitting alone on your couch weekend after
weekend or eating your Christmas dinner all by yourself? Not to
mention trying to find someone to accompany you to the office
annual dinner.
Being single isn't easy, whatever anyone says. Personally, I
believe that being single can be a wonderful and fulfilling time
in your life. Time alone as a single man or woman is a great
time for self-growth and for finding the happiness and love that
lies within but there comes a time when you need to move to a
new level of growing and sharing - with someone else.
Yes, you have all of these beautiful things inside of you but
with no-one to share them with. Even though you have lots of
people that care about you, you'll still know deep down that
it's so unlike having that "special" person that really knows
when to make you smile when everything else around you seems so
dreary. Of course you could find a few people available for
casual sex but for you there are emotional and moral
complications with that - you are not the type to have sex with
just anyone who comes along. The bottom line is that there comes
a time when nature calls, a time when you are ready to love in a
deep, intimate sexual way, and when you reach this stage in your
life you will feel lonely until it's fulfilled.
Feeling lonely is not a negative thing. The hope for love is
human and good. There is nothing wrong with wanting to find a
life partner. Wanting to share love with someone is "natural"
progression born from our soul and spiritual need. But not
everyone dares to go into this abyss of pain which the longing
for a soul mate can take you. This is a path for those who
aren't just looking for wholeness, or to be part of a couple, it
is a path for people who are interested in something bigger and
better than "self-love'' and "self-absorption"- something Divine.
As a conscious, forward thinking, fun-loving, independent,
choice-making fabulous individual, you realize that you hold
everything you need inside of yourself but you also realize that
you deserve loving and healthy human contact. However, unlike
people under 30 years of age your prospects are not as great.
Further more, most of your best friends will have been married
by now, thus, narrowing the chances of them being an effective
resource for you. So where do you go? And where do you meet
others who are consciously and spiritually evolving?
There's always the computer. But only God knows how many online
dating sites you've tried. For some reason, you seem to be the
only person who never seems to have much luck with them. If you
are like many others, you've probably been taken in by a photo
or profile of a person you thought was what you've always been
looking for - only to find when you actually met that person
they looked and sounded nothing like their photo or profile.
So to hell with technology you tell yourself, afterall nothing
beats the feeling of an authentic spontaneous encounter with an
intriguing person. But the last time you went to one of those
"singles nights" or "speed dates", far from being a honey-pot of
attractive, unattached people, it turned out to be the same old
sad gloomy dead end prospects. And your local church has no
singles programs for people your age.
May be you've even tried the lonely hearts columns and some
people didn't even bother to reply - that made you feel as if
nobody wants to know you. You feel so rejected and unwanted. You
just cannot shake off the nagging feeling that you have been
cruelly singled out by some grossly unfair quirk of fate to be
single - and, perhaps, single all your life. That's what being
single, lonely - and desperate does to you.
If you've tried being happily single and it is not working for
you, try these very simple, yet very smart strategies that have
been key in helping thousands of singles transform a stagnant
dating life (virtually non-existent) into purpose driven dating,
fun and fulfillment. Chances are that you will have a busy
dating life. You will make all of your unhappy married friends
envious.
Create space for love!
>From experience, mine and many others, I honestly believe that
love always find a way to us. But I also believe that life is
what is happening while you "wait". Don't be so "busy" that men
and women look at you and think you do not have room for a
relationship because you are so happily single. If you say you
are happily single but secretly long for that special man or
woman in your life, then what signal do you think you're sending
out to God and to the universe? Make sure you are always sending
out the right vibration. If you want someone to come into your
life, then you must clear space and make room for that person in
your mind, in your heart and in your life Happy people are not
those people who have the best of everything happy people are
those who make the most of everything.
Meet Lots of People!
The ONLY way you can learn about human relations is by having
them - not from a book, from a seminar, hiding away in isolation
is some retreat house and certainly not from an epiphany or
"road to Damascus" encounter. The more you know about others,
the more you learn about yourself, and the more you know about
yourself, the better chances you have of attracting someone with
whom you have lots in common. Get out and meet lots of people,
men and women, and talk, smile, flirt, take an interest and
laugh with them. No pressure for anyone. And avoid the old
habits of quantifying your relationships by "keeping score" as
to who called whom first and whether or not a man or woman is
"that into you". That drama may have been okay for junior high,
but we're adults with interesting careers, lives and better
things to do - hopefully. The whole point is meet as many people
as you can.
Get the basics right!
There is a great big wonderful dating world out there for those
who are willing to venture into it. But it is also a well-known
fact that the greater your mastery of the basics, the better
your chances of succeeding. In fact, mastery of the basics
either through reading self-help books, attending a seminar or
working with a professional is often the key factor that
separates the great from the mediocre. However avoid those very
retro "corny" books and advice columns. In dating as in anything
else, if you want to become successful at it, you need to learn
what the masters are doing and imitate them. You need to be
ready for the opportunities that life brings you, so that when
your time comes, you don't miss your shot.
Do something you wouldn't normally do!
A majority of people are so very predictably boring and that is
why we are incredibly impressed when we meet someone who is
creative and spontaneous. Every now and then try to do something
spontaneous - this is not the same as reckless and stupid; get
dressed up even if there is no one around to impress, visit that
one place you've always wanted to, sing that song you love at
the top of your lungs, grab some friends and go do something
completely mind blowing. Do it just because you can. Push it
further and head out onto your freer and wild side. Not only
will you be doing something fun and out of the ordinary, but
somewhere someone is watching and he or she is very impressed
with what they see - it says to them "this is what life with me
is like".
No Matter what don't stop believing!
If you yearn for a wonderful relationship with the right person,
don't quit hoping. God and the Universe need to know that you
not only know what you want, but you really want it. No matter
what, you need to cultivate the habit of persisting, of starting
again after setbacks and using your failures as, an education
for success. You need to remember that more than anything else -
persistence is what separates the "haves" from the "have nots".
This year can be the start of something amazing - remember that
no-one else can do it for you, it's up to you.