How Soon Is Too Soon To Say "I Love You"
The exchange of the words "I love you" mark a big milestones in
any relationship. But both men and women sometimes find it
difficult to say "I love you" because they are afraid of what
the other might say. A client told me he had tried many times to
say the words but somehow could not bring himself to say them.
When he finally said 'I love you', she replied 'It's about
time'. Another one told me when he first said the words, she had
tears running down her cheeks, and seeing how happy she was
encouraged him to say the words more often. But after a while,
the three magic words had lost their magic. He'd say, 'I love
you' and she'd come back with 'Yeah, right'.
So when should you tell the other person you're totally under
their spell? I've read and heard other Relationships "experts"
say that "I love you" should come only on the tenth date or
after you've dated someone for four months. Personally, I think
that is all bull shit - excuse my language. Saying "I love you"
is a very personal experience, and every person has their own
different timetable for saying it. Some people say it right away
with a new person, while others prefer to wait a while to be
150% certain that they truly love the person they are saying it
to.
However, it is usually a bad idea to tell someone you love them
on the first date or even second date. The person might think
that you say it to everyone you date and the reality is, on the
first date, you don't really know a thing about this person. The
first date might have been great but there is a
ninety-nine-point-ninety-nine percent chance that this person
may not always be all well dressed, well mannered and charming.
Wait at least until you know more about the person.
If after thinking it through you are convinced that you know
enough about this person, mentally and emotionally prepare
yourself for the moment. Easing into the moment by letting the
other person know how much they mean to you and how they make
your life richer, and speaking clearly while holding eye contact
can make it a little less nerve-wrecking. However, the moment
should not be choreographed to the T. Let a little spontaneity
rule, flow with the emotions that come to surface. Some people
find it easier to write a love letter instead. That way, they
can pour out their heart's content without choking in it. Just
remember that sooner or later you'll have to say the words to
the person's face.
But not all people have difficulty with saying 'I love you. For
some it's kind of like habit like saying "thank you" or
"good-bye" after you talk to them. And I do not necessarily
think there is anything wrong with it. After all it might be the
last thing that you ever get a chance to say to someone else.
There is this guy I met online. This is like a long time ago,
like another life time. I was young and hot-blooded and finding
love on the internet was just becoming the in-thing to do.
Anyways, this guy would end every chat session or long distance
call with "I love you." I found it a little disconcerting but I
kind of just went along with it. One evening I surprised myself
by responding with "I love you, too", only to hang up
wondering.. " I love you too?" I don't even know the man's
postal code!
Uttering those three little words like you mean them to
somebody you actually deeply care for doesn't only light up the
other person's world, but yours too. The key point here is to be
sincere about it. And saying 'I love you' a lot is not an
indicator of whether one really loves. Some people use it as a
way to manipulate you - like getting into your pants or you bank
book. It is important to pay attention to how what they say
makes you feel and if they really mean it. How is the person
saying it? Does it come out like they really mean it or does it
feel to you like they are saying it because they think they need
to? Listen to your gut feeling and do not try to ignore it
because your body picks up on non-verbal cues that your head may
miss. And, if you're questioning if this person truly loves you,
then maybe something isn't quite right or the relationship isn't
working for you. This may sound like la-la-land clich