8 Tips for the Recovering Romantic (Who is Single)
Chances are you never thought you needed to be rescued from
romance. In fact, you probably feel you need more romance in
your life, not less. The truth is that most hearts are broken in
the painful difference between the possibility of real romance
and the insistence on the fantasy of romance -- with the real
thing taking the loss. Here are a few tips to help protect you
from the ravages of romantic fantasy.
1. Beware the person who comes on too fast. Chances are she or
he is "in love with love," not you. There is no such thing as
intimacy at first sight.
2. Pay special attention to needing instant chemistry or to fall
for "your type." You're probably caught up in the challenge of
conquering someone who's not very available.
3. Avoid creating romantic scenarios during early dates. Don't
play sexy music. Stay away from darkly lit, elegant restaurants.
Wait awhile before giving gifts or flowers. Find out who you're
with and whether you're really interested.
4. Hold off on sex, even kissing. If your relationship proves to
be real, there'll come a time when loveplay actually means
something. Don't confuse heat with heart.
5. This one may be difficult, but it works in the long run.
Abandon the Prince Charming- Helpless Damsel ritual of the man
being the one to call, ask for the date, plan and pay. Both
women and men now have jobs and money, telephones and driver's
licenses. One of the best ways to protect against the traps of
false romance is to make dating an equal opportunity event.
Share the asking, planning, paying and even driving. Then you're
both on equal footing as competent, available adults -- rather
than a powerful man and the little lady who's waiting by her
phone.
6. Avoid trying to entertain or impress your family, friends and
acquaintances with stories about your dates. The drama of the
story can confuse your perception of what really happened.
7. If you've just started dating someone, and you're fantasizing
about what marriage with her or him would be like, stop. That's
only make-believe and will keep you off-balance in reality.
8. Go on non-romantic dates -- walks in the park, sports events,
charity fundraisers, museums or bookstores. The point is to get
to know what your date is like in his or her real life.
(Excerpted from The New Intimacy, Health Communications Inc.)