Give Women What They Want - Part 1
Honesty & Trust
Women are sick and tired of guys promising the earth and
delivering nothing. Men say what they can to get a woman into
bed but fail to follow through. Not all men do this but enough
to make a woman be very wary indeed.
Most women know the game by now but can still sometimes be
suckered, like we all can. Then they keep their guard up even
more, which makes it more difficult to break through in
future.
I have a friend, let's call her Carla. She is very attractive
and gets a lot of attention from men. However, she finds it hard
to get a man she actually likes. She constantly perceives the
men she meets as just trying to bed her and understandably gets
thoroughly fed up with it. Many of these guys probably want to
date her with honourable intentions. Yet it becomes difficult to
distinguish between the honest ones and the dishonest.
Consequently, she starts to generalise and says, "All men are
the same. They're only after one thing." She desperately wants
to meet a guy who is honest with her and wants her for who she
is and not just her body. That leaves her vulnerable - in a
positive way - to the advances of someone genuine, assuming they
can convince her of their honesty.
But how can you make yourself appear more honest? Easily. Tell
them something negative about you before you tell them something
positive. This is a ploy clever salespeople use to make them
appear more impartial and less self-serving. Your date is likely
to think, "He's telling me something bad about himself, which he
doesn't have to do. Therefore, he seems to be an honest bloke. I
can trust and believe him." This adds credibility to the
positive things you say about yourself. Try it, it works.
In fact, women appreciate honesty so much that even if you think
it will go against you, tell them anyway. If you meet a woman
for a date and she wants a long-term relationship, don't promise
her the world just to get your leg over. Charm her? Yes. Tell
her how nice she is? Definitely.! Make her feel special? Of
course! But don't say you want something that you don't.
If she says she wants a long term relationship (and you don't)
say, "I'm not sure what I'm looking for at the moment, if I'm
honest." She may not like your answer but you will build some
trust with her and this is important. This is a better response
than just saying, "I just want something really casual." You can
tell her this when you get to know her a little more. You have
to present things in a palatable way and with tact.
Likewise, if you are looking for marriage, don't blurt out, "I'm
looking for someone to marry." It smacks of desperation.
Instead, dress it up as, "I think I'd like something a bit more
long term now." She may be looking for something more casual,
but as she gets to know you, she may change her mind. Keep your
options open at all times as the dynamics of a relationship can
change as you get to know one another. Say the wrong thing and
you can turn off the tap before you know what the water tastes
like.
Intimacy
Boy, do I hear this one a lot: "He never seems to open up to
me." Women are plain fed up at men's apparent lack of ability to
open up and share their feelings. When they meet a man who can
do this, they feel a much deeper connection as it fulfils a very
basic need of theirs.
What's the big deal guys? Why do women want us to share our
feelings with them? It all goes back to our social
conditioning.
Men and women have very different upbringings. If some boys are
playing sports at high school and one falls over grazing his
leg, the other boys will carry on playing and the injured party
gets pushed to one side.
If the gender was reversed and it was a girl who fell, things
would be different. The other girls would crowd round to help
out, seeing if she was all right.
Boys are brought up to be tough and not show their feelings or
be perceived as being weak. Girls are brought up to be much more
collaborative with each other and share feelings and stay
together. I suppose you could say boys are taught to be
self-reliant, women to team together.
These attitudes tend to stick with us into our adult years, as
our formative years have ingrained them into our more receptive
minds. It is for this reason that men fear intimacy and women
seek it out.
To make a women feel more fulfilled, just try to share what you
are thinking and not bottling it all up. They like a man to be
both strong and vulnerable, but we guys tend to avoid being
vulnerable. But don't! Fight it and open up. Contradictory
though it may sound, you are less likely to be rejected if you
make yourself vulnerable than if you act the opposite. A women
will find you more appealing and therefore more likely to want
to stay with you.
Another important point to consider is make sure your definition
of being intimate is the same as your partners. You may think
you are being intimate but that is according to your perception.
Check with your partner to see that it matches. You might be
surprised.
One woman said to me that she had this problem with a guy. They
just couldn't agree on what being intimate was. Consequently,
she saw no future in the relationship, as the right level of
intimacy was essential for her.
More advice and a place to meet - one night stand
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