What to Say During Those Precious Minutes
FAST. FAST. FAST. With the advent of high technology, everything
happens now in a sort of pass-and-shoot continuum. Does this
mean you have to fall in love tomorrow or bypass the dating
scene? Of course not! But maybe, it might not be a bad idea to
jump-start the selection process for your would-be mate...
Speed dating is one such nifty means of addressing your social
needs. This is actually a dating activity of Jewish origin where
singles have seven 7-minute dates. It is an effective - and fast
- way of finding The One. Through this smart dating mechanism,
you need not unnecessarily invest your time, effort and emotion
on go-nowhere entanglements (a.k.a. GONEs in Speed Dating
jargon) and other similar dating pitfalls! It is a most apt,
effective and popular phenomenon, fitting perfectly into
marriage-minded singles' (MMs) agenda. Gone are the interminable
3-hour dates where you can't help but fidget and curse yourself
for the umpteenth time why you relented and went out with your
mother's bestfriend's niece/nephew!
Essentially, a man and woman are paired up in an appointment
(the venue is usually pre-arranged by the dating service
provider). They then have 7 minutes to talk, and are given the
cue when it is time to move on to another table, where they have
the chance to talk to another 'date'. At the end of the
activity, each participant is asked to fill out a card for each
of the persons he or she has interacted with. Each person is
then given their card tallies, and they are immediately informed
of who are interested to date them further. 7 minutes? Yes, 7
precious minutes where each word you say, each non-verbal
message you send, and each little move that you make counts!
Hey, if you think this time frame is short, other speed dating
events offer only 5 or 3 minutes per date.
Now let's go to the serious stuff. Given that time is very
precious, you need to know what things to say and what not to.
The following is a very concise yet extremely helpful list of
do's and don'ts when talking during this activity. Remember,
those 7 minutes are all you have... Go!
* Do not talk about family problems. There is a time and place
for everything, and a fast 7-minute date is no occasion to do a
'Dear Miss Abby' episode. NO, he or she does not need to know
NOW that you were molested as child. What you do need to do is
give a positive impression while not straining yourself in
trying to impress him/her. Talk about what you like to do as a
hobby, the type of movies and music you like, favorite hang-out,
etc. If you are pressed for details about 'serious stuff' like
what you do and where you work or about family matters, delay
disclosing the relevant details. (In some speed dating events,
these questions are not even allowed.) As a precaution, do
remember that you are talking to a stranger. On the lighter
side, it doesn't harm to project an image of mystery either. *
Do not talk about failed relationships in the past or other
things that you resent doing. This is not confession time.
Details about delinquent or reckless behavior (past or present)
are uncalled for. This is not to say that you should be
dishonest at these events but only to point out that that these
are for more intimate, subsequent encounters. * Do not talk
about the awful time you had today. Keep in mind that this is
your first encounter. You don't talk about how you have had bad
blood with your boss, how your angered colleague screamed at you
at the top of her lungs, how you are underperforming, or similar
stuff. For all you know, he or she may not be interested in your
work - much less in the people you work with. Avoid complaining;
rather, project that you are positive, appreciative and easy to
get along with. Now let us be clear about our projections - we
do not mean to disillusion our dates, we simply want to exert
extra effort to highlight our strengths and downplay our
weaknesses. * Do talk about your purpose. Marriage-minded
singles should have the shared goal of meeting Mr. / Ms. Right
during speed dating events. Being a sacred and life-long
commitment, establishing a shared purpose is very important. You
may want to ask about what matters to him/her most at this point
in his/her life. Is it career? Family? Religion? Discovering
your date's center and purpose in life (at least for now), would
be a very good indicator if you would really hit it off. You may
also want to delve on common hobbies or pastimes. And although
you want to share your and hear about your date's perspective on
relevant topics, avoid topics that are very prone to argument
(e.g. religion, politics, abortion, etc.). For example, you may
want to ask, "Time with family is very important to me. Would
you want to share your view on this?" * Do talk about his/her
interests. At the onset of the conversation, you may have a
hunch about what appeals to your date. Zoom in on these
interests - things which he/she has a passion for - and delve
lengthily and confidently on these topics. Avoid sounding like
Mr. Webster or Ms. Know-It-All though; just project enough
confidence to sustain easy, casual conversation on the topic.
More than projecting an image of confidence, this also
effectively creates an impression that you are someone who is
ready to listen and who is keen on knowing what your date is
passionate about.
Oh, and one final, very important piece of advice - talk and
listen emphatically - with your head and with your heart. You
may be good at projecting - or faking - sincerity at first, but
artificiality will certainly be found out in your next
encounters. And if all else fails during the first speed date,
heck, find another event near you! Speed dating is so popular
now that one is bound to take place in your area.
Ironically, speed dating is effective in finding the one with
whom time seems to stand still. Have fun!