The Art of Breaking up
Sometimes, relationships run their course. You may be at fault
or not, but when its time to bring your relationship to an end,
you want to do so cleanly and effectively. Here are some
suggestions:
1) If you have personal items at your lover's place, you want to
begin getting them back. This is much more difficult to do after
the breakup. If your lover has things around your home, put
these in a box and have them ready to move. Be thorough - you
don't want to have things left around for him/her to need to
come back for later.
2) Don't involve your friends, family, co-workers, etc., in the
breakup. This is only between you and your mate. Adding others
to the breakup just increases the humiliation factor.
3) If you're afraid of a scene, break up at a public venue such
as a restaurant. However, don't "lure" your soon-to-be-ex lover
there under false pretenses. Explain that you want to "talk
about your relationship."
4) Don't wait until a "good time." Do it as soon as you make the
decision. Waiting only prolongs the inevitable and makes it even
more difficult. Be bold!
5) However, don't breakup on a day with special significance.
For example, don't breakup on Christmas Day, Easter, or your
ex-partner's birthday. This is cruel, and may spoil that day for
this person for many future years.
6) Don't hedge - get to the point. Be clear and specific. Don't
blame or argue, and don't prolong the event. Again I say...be
bold!
7) Don't breakup in stages! Some people; either through fear of
losing someone, or a feeling that their sparing their ex-lover's
feelings do the "series breakup". They start by getting distant,
then, they suggest that both of them see other people, then,
they stop answering the telephone, etc. This just causes the
pain to be extended for a longer period of time than is
necessary.
8) Be considerate of your ex-lover's feelings, but don't back
down. Also, don't promise to stay in touch, stay friends, or say
that maybe you can get back together after you "get your head
together". This leads to false hopes.
9) Don't unload your hurt or anger on this person. Be detached,
unemotional, and specific.
10) And Finally, don't bad-mouth your x once everything has been
resolved. Remember that old saying, "if you don't have anything
nice to say" you know the rest.
Breaking up is very difficult for both the person doing it as
well as the person getting dumped. Always remember that you saw
something special in that person when you first got together.
Regardless of what happened to cause the break up, they are
still the same person you met and have a right to their dignity.
Be bold, be compassionate, and be truthful. Follow these
guidelines, and you have mastered the Art of Breaking up.