Gay Dating Do's and Dont's
Gay dating... funny, a couple of years ago it would have
been hard to discuss a topic like this. But not anymore! Gay
dating is a fact of life and if this is what you want, then go
for it! But before you do, let's discuss a few basic points to
help you get started to finding Mr. Right.
With the onset of AIDS in the early 80's, the gay dating
landscape has undergone a 360 degree turn. Whereas bars were the
hub of gay life from the early years of Gay Liberation to the
80's, we now seek other venues for meeting potential partners.
Before, during the golden years of Gay Liberation, being gay
meant bar-hopping, cruising and immediate sex. The central theme
of homosexuality was immediate, carpe diem sex. However, deeper
and more profound ways of relating emerged alongside the AIDS
virus scare. Gradually, gay men sought dating, courtship and
more intimate, long-term relationships.
Though gay relationships, by their nature, had more sexual
undertones, they are no less in need of commitment, security and
fidelity than those in heterosexual relationships. The process
of getting to know a gay partner is also no slower or faster; it
takes the same investment in time and effort. Once you have made
that steadfast resolution to take the gay dating exercise
seriously, take note of the following tips of making this
activity more fun, fulfilling and goal-oriented.
Be selective. The idea behind dating is exploring the
possibility that you and this person may be romantically
involved in the future. As much as you would want to date as
many gay men as possible, limit your encounters to three to five
per month. Being selective permits you to exercise patience,
perseverance and control in the dating process. Do not be in a
hurry to find Mr. Right. It takes time, effort, and several
dating occasions to know the deeper side of your potential mate.
Investing a little time in searching for THE one is a small
price to pay right?
Do not distract... attract! Tonight's the night! You're going
out on a date. Whether homosexual or not, the dating basics
still apply. These include being prepared - both physically and
mentally - for the event. Dress up appropriately and project an
image worth respecting.
Talk, but don't talk your head off. The basic talking and
listening skills likewise apply. Avoid talking about negative,
tragic or miserable past experiences during the early dating
stages. NOBODY wants to date a whiner. And listen with true
interest. If you really like your date, listening attentively
tells him you are interested which in turn makes YOU a likely
long-term relationship candidate for him. Also, avoid talking
about your stigma on being gay. Hello? This is not news to him.
The last thing you want to discuss with him, especially on a
first date, is how difficult gay dating and gay relationships
can be. Talk about worthwhile topics such as common interests,
values and prevailing motivators. Try to sustain interest and
enthusiasm in each other for the first few encounters.
Bring your wallet. Even if he was the one to invite you out, be
prepared. If you guys are trying out a new restaurant, it's
always better to have extra cash for any 'surprises'. Also, you
don't know how the night will turn out. You can end up leaving
him or him leaving you, so ensure that you can always get back
home with or without him.
Bring a gift. If you're having a dinner date at his place, bring
a bottle of wine, a book he casually mentioned that he liked and
has been looking for, food to compliment what you'll be eating
or anything that would make him feel that the dinner date is
appreciated. But don't be extravagant! If this is a first date,
you don't really know him yet and he might get offended. Bring a
simple and 'non-commital' gift as well. I mean silk ties might
make him want jump out the window. The thing to keep in mind
here is a little thoughtful something...
To ask or not to ask. Ok, you REALLY like him, but does he feel
the same way about you? Of course you can ask him out or
casually ask about his plans for next weekend but don't push.
But if you're sure he likes you back and want to lead this time,
by all means, ask him out!
Delay gratification - that is, sexual gratification. The
question really here is... do you like this guy FOR NOW or
FOREVER. If you're looking for your lifetime partner, chances
are, it would be better to delay having sex. The rule of thumb
is no sex for the first three dates. Ouch! But do consider this
Bring a condom. Ok, I'm NOT contradicting myself; it IS always
best to wait. But when the waiting is done and you guys are now
sure you want to take the relationship to a higher level, do
practice safe sex after your hot date!
Happy dating, guys!