The Three Stages of Mending a Broken Heart
You've been dumped. Short of throwing yourself off the
nearest bridge, you resort to hiding in your bed for days,
comforted only by the fact that at least you have a year's
supply of Moonpies by your bedside and your answering machine on
the alert in the hopeful case that your once loved one might
call and beg to have you back.
Only, that call never comes and that box of Moonpies? It's a
constant reminder that the emptier it gets, the more bloated you
are. But, you don't care. You wish the earth would open you up
and swallow you whole. Sound familiar?
Cases like this happens everyday.
Falling in love has its risks and you've just experienced it
first hand. You want your life back but don't know the first
thing about how to get out of that black cloud that hovers over
you, or even finding the energy to do it.
What do you do?
Acknowledge the fact that you have to go through three different
stages during a break-up. Once you realize this, you can chart
your progress and see that it's only a short trip to recovery.
STAGE ONE - The Hurting Stage
Symptoms: This is the hurting stage. It's where you are
now. It's your heart's way of telling you that you have just
experienced the worse kind of hurt there is. You cry, you're
depressed and you have no idea how you are going to live without
him/her. You leave messages on his answering machine and text
him to the point where you are becoming psycho. You drive by his
house in the wee early morning to see if his vehicle is still at
his house or he is - gulp - off with another woman. You drive by
where he works and contemplate going in and crying your eyeballs
out to let him know this has hurt you beyond repair. You either
eat tremendous amounts of comfort food or you don't eat at all
and your health suffers. You cry on your co-worker's shoulders
and hope they can help you get out of this mess. You are,
essentially, gone and a hopeless mess.
How to cope: Now more than ever would be a good time to
hang out with friends and watch a few comedies, even though you
just aren't up to it. Rekindle family relationships. Talk to
older family members about how they met their husbands/wives and
how they coped with troubled relationships. Gain insight from
them. Try to remember things that brought you happiness. Was it
a bike ride through the countryside? A trip to the beach even in
the cold of winter just to watch the waves lap against the
shore? How about that closet that is in desperate need of
rearranging/cleaning/sorting? Now is the time to focus on
you.
You have to acknowledge that this is the normal process of
grieving a relationship that has died. Nothing can really help
at this point because as with the death of a loved one, this is
the same feeling. It's a natural process. Give it time and
remember that soon you will enter the second stage.
THE SECOND STAGE - The Mad Stage
Symptoms: Remarkably, when your heart begins to heal,
your hurt turns to anger. What nerve he/she had to dump me! You
vow you're going to make his/her life a living hell as long as
you are alive. You start dating. Only, these are rebounds.
Rebound relationships most times happen in this second stage.
Some last, but most do not for the simple reason that you will
do anything in your power to inflict pain on the one who did it
to you.
How to cope: Once you get to this stage, you're halfway
there. Even though anger is not a healthy feeling to have, it is
a normal reaction after you've gotten over the feeling of hurt.
However, instead of going postal and risk the chance you may do
something you'll regret later, take his/her picture and throw
darts at it. Burn love letters. Finalize the break-up by getting
rid of everything you have of his/hers. But keep in mind that
years from now, you'll wish you did have some kind of
remembrance of the relationship because it's all part of your
life history. Whatever you do keep, look at it as a symbol of
how well you did cope and can look at the relationship as a
learning experience.
STAGE THREE - You Don't Give a Damn Stage
Symptoms: You wake up one morning and ask yourself what
you saw in this person in the first place. Nothing he/she does
now bothers you. In fact, you are happy he/she has left because
you are ready now to form new relationships, new loves.
How to Cope: You are there. When you hit this last stage,
you have finally come to the point where you can go on from here
and form new relationships. Relationships that aren't rebound.
When you finally get to this last stage, you will become the
person you once were - full of happiness, hope and a quest for
life.
Once you realize the three stages of a break-up, it helps you to
understand the process that is involved. Just as it took time to
fall in love, you don't just fall out of it overnight.
It helps to remember that there will always be a tomorrow and
that there is always that second chance to find that special
person who is meant to share his/her life with you. Life is full
of second, third and even more chances. So, pick up your heart,
go through the process to heal and chalk it all up to
experience. You'll be glad you did. In the words of an unknown
author, "Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what
is best forgotten."