I'm Finally a Baby
A True Story - Sort of
I must have sat in the pre birth station for a long time. It was
massive. As far as you could see, there was nothing but seats
with little TV screens. Each seat had a child in wating. One of
the other kids said it looked like a big train station. Whatever
that meant. I haven't the foggiest idea what a train is.
Like all the other children, I just sat there, forever it seems,
watching my new parents on my screen. Well, I hoped they would
be my new parents. They were a beautiful couple. I watched them
grow up, go to school and get married. I listened in as they
talked about having children. ME!
But as time passed, nothing happened.
Some of the supervisors came by and asked if I wanted to be
reassigned to a different couple. But I loved my mom and dad. So
I sat there watching the screen, praying for something to happen.
Then one day my parents decided to go visit a "Baby Doctor". He
tested both mom and dad. He then guaranteed that for $1400 per
month he would get them a baby.
Things were looking up.
So mom took the medications for month after month. She used
little glass sticks to tell her when she was hot. Then she and
dad kissed a lot.
But, still, nothing happened.
So they went to another doctor and he said that for $2000 a
month he would get her pregnant.
Three more doctors couldn't do anything. The last one said
something about "Poly Cystic Ovaries." Whatever that means.
Mom cried a lot after that.
My grandmother worked for someone that did business with a man
who made people healthier by working on their homes. Didn't use
pills or shots. He didn't even touch people. Just touched their
homes.
So they called him.
He told them how certain things in the home interfered with
mom's body. They talked about cleaning products, and wall paper,
and sofas. He said the body can't work right if the body is
polluted by stuff in the house.
He kept using the term "Environmental Estrogens". He said these
estrogens interfered with the estrogens that were in her body
already. I didn't understand. Mom did.
He found out that their biggest environmental estrogen came from
mold in their basement. Some kind of water leak, he said.
He told them, "If you can't drink it, don't spray it." That was
the Rule of Thumb when buying cleaning products or having
someone work with your home's environment.
So they changed their cleaning products, did things all natural,
and cleaned out the mold in their home. They got all the
doctor's medicines and chemicals out of mom's body. The people
who cleaned out the mold were willing to drink their mold
removal material in front of my parents. They said it tasted
horrible but was perfectly safe.
They told my parents that most mold removing things did more
damage to the body than the mold.
Well, two months later, the supervisor came by my seat and said
"get ready."
It was TIME!
My name is Heather. The doctors say I'm perfectly healthy.
I still remember that phrase, "If you can't drink it, don't
spray it."
Happy Birthday!
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