The Kabbalah of Adolescence
Adolescence - The Darkness Before the Dawn
Do you remember what it was like to be an adolescent? The anger,
the confusion, the rebellion? The intense need to express
yourself, even in ways that were upsetting to the people around
you?
Or maybe you are the parent of an adolescent. Maybe you long for
the days when he or she was a sweet, compliant child, wanting
nothing more than to be just like you.
Thankfully, adolescence doesn't last forever. And, in most
cases, if you have truly good, solid values that you've
transmitted with love, your adolescent will pass through this
phase of turmoil and breakdown and come out the other side as a
person who makes you really proud.
In fact, interestingly, it often turns out that the more trouble
he gives you, the more likely he is to impress - or even amaze
you - later on.
That's because, as the child temporarily removes himself from
your guidance, your dominance - your 'light", so to speak - he
begins to question, to look inside for answers, to explore his
own feelings and to express himself from the inside out.
In an often chaotic, foolish, even destructive way, he begins to
manifest his innate power to think his own thoughts, come to his
own conclusions, choose his own goals and make his own
decisions.
And in doing so, he slowly begins to experience the sense of
self without which he would always remain a child - someone less
than, and dependent upon you.
Turning a Moon into a Sun
As difficult as it often is, this is a necessary stage in the
evolution of an authentic human being. A young child, as sweet,
precious and adorable as he may be, is largely just a reflection
of his parents. Whatever you think, he thinks. Whatever you
believe, he believes. Like the moon, he may be lovely, but he is
a reflector. You assert, and he believes. You decide, and he
accepts. You give, and he takes.
As human beings, created in the image of the Creator, our
destiny is not, ultimately, to be moons. We were created not
simply to reflect, but to shine. We are destined to become suns,
to offer our own unique "something" to the whole of Creation.
But the transition between reflecting and shining, moon and sun,
is not smooth and linear. There is no logical progression from
one state of being to the other.
For that reason, this transition requires what is often known as
a transformation - a leap from one state of being to another,
completely different one. And when it comes to a transformation,
the rule is this: in order to go up, you must first go down. If
you want to become something new, you must first let go of what
you were before.
Darkness for the Sake of Light
Sometimes this process is easy. Sometimes the darkness of the
transition between the old and the new is almost imperceptible.
And sometimes the darkness is so intense that it feels like
there's no light at all. When this is the case, it means that
you must go deeper, farther within yourself, to find a level of
light and power that you weren't in touch with before.
But whatever the case, the important thing is this: the darkness
doesn't occur for its own sake. It has no intrinsic, permanent
reality. It's there only on behalf of the transformation - the
different, far greater light - that will come as a result.
Searching Beneath the Lamp
Three years ago I lost a younger brother to a sudden and
terrible illness. My spiritual studies, which had been extremely
important and pleasurable to me, became painful and difficult.
All I could ask myself was: "Where is G-d, and how can He do
this?"
My teacher told me a story that I will never forget. You may
have even heard it before, although probably not in this
context. Here's the story:
Two men left a party and came upon a third man on his hands and
knees under a streetlight, searching for something.
"What are you looking for?" they asked him.
"My watch," he replied.
Ready to help him in his search, they asked: "Where exactly did
you drop the watch?"
"Over there", he answered, pointing off into the distance.
"So why are you looking here?" one of the men asked in
confusion.
"Because it's dark over there," the searcher replied.
The Experience of Darkness
Most of us look for our answers in the light - in what we
already know, what we can understand, where we're comfortable -
i.e. in the tried and familiar. But the real answers, the ones
that really matter, usually aren't there. Those answers, the
ones that allow us to see or be something that we couldn't see
or be before, are "over there" - in the place where it's dark.
Transformational challenges don't necessarily have to be
particularly intense. They can be minor and trivial as a
frustrating conversation, hurt feelings, a disappointment at
work, or an unexpected bill. These things can certainly be used
as impetus for us to grow and expand, to learn new things and
try new ways of being.
Or the darkness can be, G-d forbid, enormous and
incomprehensible.
But whatever the case may be, if you search for answers only
where it's light - in the places you know, in the habits that
make you comfortable, in the paradigms you already have - it's
almost certain that you will never move very far from where you
are right now.
But if you become willing, instead, to be with the discomfort of
the unknown, to reach, even for occasional moments, into the
vast mystery, you may discover there an entirely new potential,
a new understanding, a new level of light. And this light, the
light that comes from the darkness, does not shine from the
outside in. It shines within the depths of your heart, your mind
and your soul - from the inside out.
The Threefold Process: A Template for Creation
This threefold process of transformation - from light, to
darkness, to a much greater and more internal light - is one of
the spiritual poles around which the world spins.
In fact, when our great-great-grandparents, Adam and Eve, ate
from the Tree of Knowledge and were exiled from Paradise, they
were following this template.
In the Garden of Eden before the sin, everything was beautiful.
Everything was holy. There was no chaos, no rebellion, no
darkness at all. Adam and Eve, together with everything in the
Garden, simply reflected the intense Divine light of Creation.
But G-d put a snake in the Garden - a snake that would seduce
our forebears into rebellion and introduce darkness, evil and
exile into Paradise.
The Snake in the Garden
The snake did not get there by accident. G-d intentionally
included the potential for darkness in His plan for Creation.
And, He included it such a way that it would be internalized -
made a very part of who we are.
That's because, in order for you to have the potential to
transform something, it has to be yours.
When G-d put the snake into Paradise, He ran a great risk. His
choice to do so guaranteed that we would fall, that we would
rebel, that we would sin. He gave us an enormous challenge.
But at the same time, He gave us an unparalleled opportunity -
one not shared by even the loftiest of angels. He gave us the
power to transform all of the darkness of our world into light.
He gave us the power to transform ourselves from passive
recipients of His light to true partners in Creation.
What Goes Down Must Come Up: The Paradigm of Transformation
Kabbalah calls this process "yerida l'tzorech aliyah" - a
descent for the sole purpose of the ascent that will follow. It
is the Divine template through which all true transformation
occurs.
Simple growth does not require this threefold process. It's
linear, natural, logical and progressive. But transformation, an
essential change from one state of being to another, to one
degree or another always takes this path.
Here's how it works:
In the first stage of the process, there's harmony, a sense of
oneness, light. Everything's working just fine. But this harmony
is superficial and therefore intrinsically unstable. Like the
Garden of Eden before the fall, as long as circumstances are
right everything looks good. But the potential for divisiveness
and destruction is always there; it just hasn't been actualized
yet. As long as the light shines, darkness will be suppressed.
But it still exists in potential.
In the second stage the unity falls apart and the potential for
darkness is actualized. There is breakdown and chaos. Like the
Garden of Eden after the fall, like our rebellious adolescent
who suddenly rejects the values of his parents and wants to
"find himself", what was once harmonious turns to chaos. But
this chaos has an intrinsic purpose. It's there for the sake of
the higher level of oneness that will come in its wake.
The final stage is transformation. Like the phoenix from the
flames, out of the chaos comes a brand new unity and a brilliant
new light. And this time it's permanent.
That's because now the light is no longer imposed from the
outside. It has become an authentic expression of what lies
within. Once this happens, there's simply no darkness left
anymore - not because it's suppressed, but because it has been
turned to light.
Becoming Partners in Creation
This transformation process takes place at all different levels
in all aspects of life. It's also the paradigm for Creation as a
whole.
At the end of the process we will no longer obey G-d only
because He knows more than we do, because He's infinitely
bigger, stronger, and holier than us.
Instead, we will do G-d's will because it has become ours.
Instead of being simply G-d's servants, or even His children, we
will be His partners as well, sharing His perspective, shining
side by side.
Going back to our adolescent rebel, once he completes this
process, his values, beliefs and commitments are no longer
merely a reflection of his parents'. They are now his own. At
this stage obedience is simply not an issue. Rather than obeying
his parents, he relates to them, shares their perspective and
their goals, and even better, expresses them in his own personal
and unique way.
Global Adolescence
Our world is approaching the end of its long period of
adolescence. That's why so many of us are seekers. That's why so
many of us dream of a peaceful, harmonious, good and G-dly
world, a world of abundance, purpose and meaning. Without
necessarily even realizing it, we have begun to share the vision
of our Creator.
Our struggle is not yet completely over. Obviously, we need to
grow. We are still very much in the process of becoming all that
we are destined to be. But we are getting closer and closer to
the end of that process. And once we find - fully find - our own
inner light, it will be ours forever. There will be no more
struggle, because who we should be and who we genuinely,
passionately want to be will have become one and the same.
That's what G-d wants from us - and even more important, for us.
Our ultimate destiny is not to simply submit, to bow our heads
and do the right thing. We certainly will do the right thing,
but in a way that is infinitely more powerful and meaningful.
We are destined - were always destined - to fully embrace our
own essence, to experience G-dliness not only from without, but
from within.
In fact, it's the purpose of Creation.
The Era of Transformation
At this time in history, we are witnessing the breakdown of many
of the things we once took for granted. Whether this breakdown
expresses itself in our leadership, our values, our children,
our communities, our environment, our sense of security, or our
dreams, it can be tremendously painful, frightening and
confusing.
But this darkness, as always, is here for one reason: to push
you to transform, to fulfill your true potential, to become the
person you were truly born to be. These times are intensely
challenging. But there has never, in all of history, been an
opportunity like the one before us today.
And this opportunity, this potential for transformation,
expresses itself not only in a global sense, but in the very
real and tangible details of your personal life.
Next time you feel stuck, frustrated or disappointed, confronted
by an obstacle or challenge - whether in a relationship, work or
any other area of life, be aware that you are being presented
with a Divine opportunity to access your latent power to make
the darkness shine.
You may feel frightened of the darkness - the vulnerability,
uncertainty or discomfort that almost always accompanies real
change. But this time, don't stop there. Instead, ask yourself
what you would do if you were your fears were not an obstacle.
Maybe you'd communicate more authentically with someone you
love. Maybe you'd try to understand the other person's point of
view. Maybe you'd make that phone call you've been putting off.
Maybe you'd join that class, apply for that job, start that
exercise program, deepen your relationship with G-d, give
someone a hug or a smile, or be the first one to apologize even
if you weren't the only one who was wrong.
The bottom line is this: At every moment you have a choice. Like
the man with the missing watch, you can confine your search to
the space under the light, remaining limited by your past, by
what's safe and familiar. Or, you can venture instead into the
unknown and unfamiliar to seek out and reveal the greater light
and potential concealed in the heart of the darkness.
The choice is yours.
(*Since the Torah forbids the erasing of G-d's name, it's
customary to avoid writing it out in full)