The Impeccability of the Word
It is amazing how many folks mention after reading "The Four
Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz, that the first agreement (be
impeccable with your word) doesn't seem to be as difficult as
the second or third agreements (don't take anything personally
and never make assumptions). They say, "Sure, I can stop
gossiping or be careful to speak more kindly when I am
communicating, but not taking anything personally or making
assumptions....well that's really difficult!" Personally, I
think the first agreement is the most difficult because what
originates in our head is even more important than what does or
does not come out of our mouth. Even if we stopped sending
people our opinions and gossip, even if we stopped judging out
loud or arguing, have we really changed what we are thinking in
our head?
The only way to have impeccability of the word is to have
impeccability of the voice that speaks to us in our head! Most
humans have no idea why they say the things they do. They speak
on auto pilot, assume they are right, and speak without
consideration. The need to be right, and the belief that we are
right, is what causes arguments and disagreements in our
communications. Even if we've worked hard at keeping our
judgments and opinions to ourselves, we're probably still saying
things in our head that aren't impeccable. Things like, "My boss
is stupid," "My beloved is stubborn" and "I was an idiot for
saying what I said at work today." This certainly doesn't
demonstrate impeccability of the word! If we want to stop
judging and become impeccable with our word, we have to look at
the beliefs behind the judgments because it's the beliefs that
create the judgments. After all, we cannot pass judgment without
having a rule to pass judgment from. Don Miguel calls the belief
system of our mind our book of law, but I like to call it our
computer program.
I've imagined myself as a child with my brand new hard drive,
Pentium 4. Then my domestication begins and the program of life
software gets downloaded by my parents, teachers, friends, TV,
magazines, etc. By the time we are adults the hard drive is
filled with all kinds of useless and somewhat useful
information, but very little wisdom. Each "byte" of information
has a voice and speaks to us regardless of what situation we're
in or what we're doing. The voice in our head is present non
stop, 24/7, and most of this "knowledge" is conflicting and not
necessarily the truth!
As we're living our life, the program constantly assesses each
situation and compares it to what currently exists in our data
base. The program also analyzes the results of similar previous
life situations. Once the program has completed its analysis, it
tells us what to do. Rarely is there any conscious thought
involved in this process, just action-reaction. In other words,
the computer program is living our life for us instead of our
Spirit.
For example, when your husband tries to talk to you may start
arguing, using the same pattern of communication you've always
had with him. The way to break this cycle is to take inventory
of everything you believe about yourself and the world. In other
words, do a brain drain of the program in your journal. Many
people find the process of creating their own journal of beliefs
to be a difficult and onerous task. Why? Because the information
contained in the program isn't very pleasant! The denial system
wants to cut in right away and say, "Oh no, I just thought that
but I don't really believe it." Of course, the program doesn't
want to be overthrown by the real you as Spirit!
For example, we may have learned as a child that people society
considers to be overweight are ugly and should be made fun of,
that they should diet, that they are weak, or that they
shouldn't dress fashionably...just wear loose clothing. Even if
we never express those sentiments out loud, every time a person
we feel is overweight is near us, the voices in our head say
nasty things. Sure we're glad you that no one can hear our
thoughts, but let's be honest, we're still saying them in our
heads. Our minds are so interesting and clever that they know
exactly what to say to capture our attention and get us to
listen!
The challenge is realizing that we do not have to believe our
thoughts or the computer program. Of course this is harder than
it sounds. That's because we believe that we are what we think.
We believe these are our thoughts instead of believing that
these thoughts are a product of our computer program. The truth
is our Spirit speaks not with words or thoughts, but with the
feelings from our heart. If we listen to our heart, the voice of
our integrity, it will never steer us wrong. Once we understand
the program is not the real us, we can stop listening to the
nonsense and, instead, use the information as we need it when we
need it.
We can never delete the program in our mind but we can place our
attention on the feelings of our heart over the yapping of our
mind. The mind is talking all day long, pronouncing judgment
after judgment. Being aware of our mind and the thoughts the
program is generating is the first step, but until we have
clarity regarding our beliefs and choose not to believe our
program any more, those voices will keep on coming.
Detaching from our beliefs will help them to lose their power
and not hook our attention any more. If we say to the voices,
"No thanks, I don't choose to listen to that garbage anymore" or
"Thanks for sharing but I don't buy that anymore," it will help
to quiet the voices. It is also beneficial to see if the voice
is expressing a sentiment from love as opposed to one based in
fear. So, take the challenge and start your own journal. You
just might be surprised what you believe!