Using your Spiritual Path Against Yourself
In looking back at my process over the years I have noticed an
interesting phenomenon that I refer to as "using my path to go
against myself." This behavior may be a surprise to many of
you....but as programmed ego minds we have been trained to use
our life situations to go against ourselves since we were small.
We have learned from those around us to use other people to
raise our blood pressure, prove that we are not good enough,
affirm that we will never be loved or that life is unfair.
Unfortunately, the list of way we use others to hurt ourselves
is endless.
I often see how many times people get fanatical about changing
their lives at the beginning of their spiritual path. They see
some positive change in their lives and want the process to be
finished right now - as if instant awareness is an available
commodity. They spend all their free time journaling, writing,
recapitulating, going to workshops, and traveling on spiritual
journeys, but they have no balance in their lives and are not
having much fun. It is important to create enjoyment in life,
because we don't know if we'll be around tomorrow.
We have a workaholic society due to our puritanical beliefs
about work - for example: "Idol hands are the devils
playground." It behooves us to look carefully at how we are
creating the dream of our lives right now. Is there balance in
our lives? Are we really happy? Has our path become a burden or
dreadful? Or even worse...has our spiritual path started to look
like a full time job? I am not saying that parts of your path
will not be painful or challenging to look at. Challenge and
pain are natural in the course of any quest to transform. But,
at the same time, if we engage in self-judgment or create rigid
schedules for our journaling, our path will become a
continuation of our "doings." Doings are activities we engage in
that are programmed behaviors that we perform without awareness.
We normally "do" things to abuse ourselves without
consciousness, and we don't want our path to be an opportunity
to perpetuate that abuse.
For example, we want to be the best student, to look good in our
teacher's eyes so we can have approval and love. I remember
having this exact experience, wanting my teacher's approval for
what I was doing. Of course, the beauty of it all was that he
couldn't care less. All my teacher wanted was for me to be
happy, and to get over my need to link my self-worth to him or
anyone else! Freedom is never having to impress anyone ever
again because you are completely content and in love with
yourself.
Your programmed mind will always make at least two proposals for
any situation you are presented with. There will always be at
least one proposal that appears seemingly logical but will
actually be harmful to you. Carefully observe the logic your
mind uses to justify everything you choose to do. It may tell
you that if you do a long list of things you will heal yourself
and be a good student. Another part of your mind will tell you,
"I am tired, I can do this tomorrow." So which proposal do you
listen to when both are in opposition to one another, and both
are the result of programmed internal dialogue? Well, this is a
most challenging question! The best advice is not to listen to
either proposal because you cannot trust your mind. You may
think one of those statements is the real you speaking but the
real you cannot speak with words. Listen to your heart. If you
are simply exhausted then rest. If you are exhausted everyday,
then there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed
first. I would ask, "Why are you tired all the time?" or "Are
you creating stress in your life?" If the answer to these
questions is "yes," change that first so you can have the time
for your spiritual activities. Then your body will be happy and
you will feel balanced. You will be able to focus on your
process with more clarity if your body is rested and well cared
for.
Watch the "logic" that your mind proposes to get you to go
against yourself. Consider the justifications your mind is using
to hold the status quo, sabotage you, and keep you from
happiness. Be wary, be watchful and do not believe yourself
under any circumstances! And above all do not empower your
feisty program with the ability to use your path to go against
yourself!