This Instant
He was searching for the Ineffable and Always Pure. And yet he
was lost in doubts. He was longing for Escape and yet he coudn't
find it. Somehow he felt the way was there. And still he was
depressed, his feeling wasn't confirmed by experience. And then
the Call was given him.
* * *
1 ' Little Holy Instant '
I went to visit Astrid during my chess tournament, taking place
close to Groningen. Groningen was the city where Astrid lived
then. I was playing in this tournament but I felt lost and
hopeless. My financial situation was quite miserable ( we were
renting student rooms with my brother Wawo in Antwerp having few
month's debts concerning rent for them ), what was worse, I
haven't seen the way out since my chess talent didn't give me
inner joy any more plus the earnings from it were also
fractional. For the last few years I earned living by it, but it
was barely enought to survive. We were both illegal in Belgium (
me and Wawo ) without right to work. And in that frame of mind I
came to visit Astrid. She came to pick me up on the train
station. It was evening. She was dressed in black coat. In her
calm and warm voice she asked me:
- You had a good journey? - Yes, thank you - Did you wait long
for me? - Not so...just 10 or 15 minutes
It was a bit raining than. But the air was fresh, scintillating
with infinite beauty. She gave me a hug and invited me to the
car. We were driving to the appartment and in the meantime she
told me the events of her day. The appartment was close by, it
took something like an quarter to get there. First we walked on
the stairs. Than we entered into the big room on the first
floor. We sat there on the soft cushions. We started to talk,
yes...we talked in the car too, but now it was quieter and the
full attention could be given to that moment, to sharing our
hearts.
I started to pour my depressive thoughts, I was talking about
the 'dark side' of C.G.Jung and about the goverment & powerful
individuals slavering the rest. She was just calm and quiet,
listening attentively. And suddenly IT has happened. When there
was this tiny space in the stream of my thoughts, a flash of
light appeared. Just as if for that second everything would
burn. Everything known disappeared for that Instant. Now I know
it was a gift from the Holy Spirit. I call it now Little Holy
Instant.
Oh! Beloved Astrid, how grateful I am for this. The same evening
few more lessons were given. When I asked her how she is doing,
she shared with me that it is going very well with her :
- I am earning now 9.000 euro per month, that's possible when
you share freely with others. When you share. You can do it if
you give up special love relationship. Relationship which is
focused on the body ( sex ), giving in order to get.
I could hear compassion in her voice. It wasn't the attitude of
'you see I am so much better than you', it was more 'I want this
freedom for you also, I want to share it with you'. Amazing, my
brother asked me to borrow from her some money. During this
evening and next morning I had the intention to say that, to ask
her, but there was Something that didn't allow me to do it. Just
as if some kind of Light was around her which would dispell any
attacking thoughts. So instead, I have painted for them pictures
( for her and her son Sebastian, yes...she did have special love
relationship before ) and played a game of chess with Sebastian.
At least I could give that.
For the courious reader I shall explain how did she earn all
those money. She is a Herbalife distributor ( her website:
www.explorefreedom.com/now ). I did try it before in Belgium but
I didn't like some people and wasn't succesful anyway. That time
I couldn't imagine sharing for free. I assure you there were
opportunieties to do so. It feels like dying. But in fact it is
dying to the ego. And coming towards Spirit and Life. That's
where a miracle happens. And a meaning of the words below is
known.
' I offer only miracles today, for I would have them be returned
to me' 'All what I give I give to Myself'
Since I was already at the stage where I knew that everything
comes from the thoughts, I asked Astrid to recommend me just one
book. Just the best, the deepest, the most profound, I was too
tired to be willing anything else. And she gave this answer :
- 'A Course in Miracles'
Next day in the morning, when I was living them ( Astrid and
Sebastian ), we stepped into the car, I started to feel
something in my throat. I was resisting it but when we parted on
the station I couldn't any more. I sobbed like a little child,
tears poured out from brown eyes, healing tears. It were tears
of Lost Paradise, tears coming from the memory of separation,
tears of pain and loneliness, and tears of gratefulness to
finally be again on the way Home, to be on the right path anew.
I knew, something very important has happened.
Two weeks later I asked her by e-mail to borrow me the book.
Because I didn't have a money to buy it, or so I thought. She
sent me 'A Course...' by one distributor in her line who worked
in Antwerp. And so I started intense study of the blue book with
golden illuminations.
2 ' Great Holy Instant '
At first when I started to read the book I was confronted with a
dark hate. Simply because the book stated that all of my
suffering and limitations are self-made. Even thou there was
this dark resistance, deep down in my heart I knew it was all
true and I had an experience which was giving to me through
Astrid. So I accepted the facts as they were and intently
studied 'A Course...'. And then after about three or four
months, one night in small attic room on Sint Jans plein in
Antwerp I was praying...and I heard an inner voice 'it will
happen tonight', it was connected with a feeling in a body, a
certain knowing that it is real. And a bit later when I was
lying down for my meditation, after silencing the mind, I
started to feel movement on the back of my skull, than tickling
light in 'third eye' area. Just immediately after that I was
pulled by it towards the back of my head...and then BOOM!
Amazing! Blue light glowing all around me. It felt as if my body
was a tiny dot somewhere there down and I was that Light. I was
everything and all around me. It was so beautiful, so out of
this world. I guess it lasted few hours but am not sure since
you really kind of lose the sense of time. What I know is, that
I slowly "swam down" towards the body. I went back to it again.
Now I know it was a Great Holy Instant given by the Holy Spirit.
Afterwards I was so motivated to reach Freedom, the final
realase, Atonement. I wanted this experience again and for
always, not only for myself, but for all. Because it is true, as
' A Course...' states it: 'When I am healed, I am not healed
alone'.