How to Eliminate Bad Habits
The thought manifests as word; The word manifests as deed; The
deed develops into habit; And habit hardens into character. So
watch the thought and its ways with care, And let it spring from
love Born out of concern for all beings.
The Buddha
A cocaine addict, a working person raising a family, a seeker
practicing meditation and service, and a highly conscious sage
all have the same motivation: the core drive. We all want
avoidance of suffering and permanent Love, peace, and safety.
What separates us is our habits. Habits rule destiny. Our life
is a sequence of habits that determine our course and evolution.
We all have a mix of good and bad habits. Bad habits cause
untold suffering. Good habits serve us in the cause of our
liberation. To understand how we got where we are and how to
change direction, we need to understand the formation and
transformation of habits. The seeker will need to release the
energy captured by bad habits and transfer this power to
liberating good habits.
Any pattern of thought or action repeated many times results in
a habit with a corresponding neurosignature, or brain groove.
The brain is composed of approximately 100 billion cells, called
neurons. A brain groove is a series of interconnected neurons
that carry the thought patterns of a particular habit. Attention
feeds the habit. When we give our attention to a habit, we
activate the brain groove, releasing the thoughts, desires, and
actions related to that habit.
The good news is that the brain is malleable. We can change our
thoughts and behavior by recruiting new cells to form new brain
grooves. Every thought and action is recorded within the
interconnected nerve cells, and each repetition adds new depth
to the brain groove. If we repeat a thought and action enough
times, a habit is formed. Continued repetition strengthens the
power of the habit. Inattention and lack of repetition weakens
the power of the habit. These principles apply to the formation
of both good and bad habits. Positive thoughts and actions
create good habits. Negative thoughts and actions create harmful
habits.
We can use these principles to eliminate and replace bad habits
with good ones. We can gradually starve bad habits to death by
not giving them our attention. As we pay more attention to
forming a good habit, the new brain groove slowly gains power.
Eventually, the new positive brain groove dominates the negative
groove, and good habits drive out the bad. Without this
transformation, spiritual growth is impossible.
When we are assigned painful problems in the school of life, we
need to do the homework. All too often, however, we play hooky
by escaping into the pleasures of a bad habit. If we repeat this
behavior, at some point we get addicted. We end up with the
original problem and a host of additional difficulties
associated with addiction. Addiction leads to wild emotions,
mental storms, paranoia, rage, humiliation, chaotic
relationships, job loss, disease, and death. We can avoid this
by doing our homework, by learning how to be good pain managers.
Learning how to manage our suffering is critical on the
spiritual path. However, most of us slide down the path of bad
habits early in our lives in our attempt to avoid pain.
Bad habits include smoking, use of drugs or alcohol, excessive
eating, compulsive gambling, compulsive shopping, addiction to
the internet, computer or television, addiction to sex, money,
fame, work, activity, power, or dependency on others at the
expense of independence and individuality (a condition known as
codependency or relationship addiction). Although bad habits are
pleasurable in the beginning, their eventual evolution into
emptiness and torment is inevitable as they force us to act in
ways contrary to our true nature. We want to express Love,
compassion, kindness, patience, and courage.
To begin the process of transforming bad habits to spiritual
power, we must recognize that the pain of the bad habit is worse
than the pain of healing. Cultivating good habits is difficult,
but it is more difficult to maintain bad habits.
There are hundreds of good physical, mental, emotional, and
spiritual habits. These fall into three categories:
1. Constructive activities related to health, work,
relationships, recreation, or hobbies.
2. The habits of a seeker: the spiritual methods described in
this and other spiritual books.
3. The habits of a sage: spiritual qualities such as Love,
compassion, forgiveness, courage, strength, and others listed in
the spiritual alphabet.
The time to create these positive habits is now. Every time we
repeat a thought or action of a bad habit, it maintains or gains
power.
Procrastination weakens our will to the point that we think we
cannot change. Before we know it, the habit has locked us in a
prison of our own making. We may not even know if a habit
already has enough power to imprison us for decades: we only
discover its power when one day we try to stop it and find out
we cannot.
Assume a virtue if you have it not. Refrain tonight, And that
shall lend a kind of easiness To the next abstinence, the next
more easy; For use almost can change the stamp of nature, And
either lodge the devil or throw him out With wondrous potency.
Shakespeare, Hamlet
Following is a technique for replacing bad habits with good,
spiritual habits:
1. Introspection
2. Avoid everything associated with the bad habit
3. Affirmations and will
4. Constructive meaningful activities
5. The habits of a seeker
6. The habits of a sage
7. Support
8. Solitude
9. Perseverance
10.Victory
1. INTROSPECTION
Make a list of the habits you would like to change. Examples of
bad habits include smoking, substance abuse, gambling,
compulsive eating, addiction to sex, computers, money, power,
work, and codependency or addiction to people.
2. AVOID EVERYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH THE BAD HABIT
People, environment, routines, and our own thoughts are the
breath that gives life to the brain groove of a bad habit. With
continued stimulation, a bad habit grows, our will weakens, and
we slide off the spiritual path. However, the neurocircuit for
the bad habit remains dormant in the subconscious if we give it
no thought or attention. We can gain power over a bad habit by
avoiding exposure to everything associated with it. Stay away
from the negative environment, people, and actions that
supported the habit, until the new brain groove is strong. Avoid
thinking about the bad habit as much as possible. We are subject
to craving in an instant, if not careful. Even a passing thought
or image of the negative habit can awaken desire. The more we
let the idea play in our minds, the more at risk we are of
recurrent addiction. Starve the bad habit to death by
inattention.
3. AFFIRMATIONS AND WILL
Review the lessons on affirmations and will to see how thought
power and will power can erase even the deepest grooves of long
standing habits. The mind has the key that can unlock the door
of a bad habit, as a single thought or visual image can
stimulate craving. We need to choose our thoughts carefully.
Thoughts associated with our bad habits do pass through our
consciousness against our will, however. To prevent these
thoughts from becoming action, we must work against them. As
soon as we become aware of the unwanted thought, we can knock it
out with will and affirmations. We can invoke our will at full
power, deploy our favorite affirmations, and turn to good and
spiritual actions. These include constructive meaningful
activities, the habits of a seeker, and the habits of a sage.
4. ENGAGE IN CONSTRUCTIVE MEANINGFUL ACTIVITIES
Make a list of activities related to your work, chores,
relationships, leisure, recreation, hobbies, and
self-nurturance. These activities are a part of your repertoire
of positive habits. You can use these activities to ward off the
thoughts and impulses related to your bad habits. Such a list
might include playing and watching sports, listening to or
playing music, television, the Internet, movies, reading,
writing, studying, exercise, arts and crafts, board games,
crossword or jigsaw puzzles, gardening, paying bills, shopping,
cooking, cleaning, taking a nap, getting a massage, and so on.
5. CULTIVATE THE HABITS OF A SEEKER
The habits of a seeker include any spiritual technique that
leads to the growth of spiritual qualities. For our purposes,
these are affirmations, will, surrender, contemplation,
breathwork, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation,
mindfulness, practicing the presence of God, service, prayer,
yoga, and the transformation of emotion.
6. CULTIVATE THE HABITS OF A SAGE
The habits of a sage are the spiritual qualities listed in the
spiritual alphabet. These include Love, compassion,
understanding, forgiveness, courage, strength, endurance, peace,
and joy.
If constructive meaningful activities, spiritual practice, and
spiritual qualities keep the door of the bad habit locked,
craving is kept at bay. We are safe. On the other hand, if
despite our best efforts, the door of bad habits opens, the
seductive music of craving may bring us to the brink of relapse.
If this occurs, we must surround ourselves with people who will
protect us from negative actions.
7. SUPPORT
We need to surround ourselves with people who support our
spiritual goals. Friends and family associated with our bad
habits often try to pull us back. When we move forward, they
take it personally. Moreover, we are afraid of finding new
people. We must get through this fear to create a supportive
network of people with like-minded goals who act as our
spiritual bodyguards, protecting us from ourselves in moments of
vulnerability.
8. SOLITUDE
To heal completely, we need to practice discipline when we are
alone. This is a tall order. Many of us are afraid to be alone
and of the unknown. With continued practice, however, we will
gain the necessary courage and self-control to resist craving
even when we are alone. Then we do not need bodyguards.
Eventually, craving ceases.
9. PERSEVERANCE
Change is difficult. Some strong bad habits may take years to
break. Tests, trials, and temptations come. Setbacks occur. Back
and forth movement between old and new patterns is a natural
part of the process. Do not give up. When you slip and fall, be
sure to create the mental habit of gentleness with yourself,
while using the remorse, regret, or disgust you may feel as an
incentive to push you on to greater efforts.
10. VICTORY
Keep feeding the positive habit to make it stronger and starving
the negative habit to make it weaker. Give the best of your
effort, concentration, and attention to the new habit until it
takes over and becomes a natural, effortless, and automatic part
of your repertoire. Keep battling and you will win. Craving
ceases. Peace and strength deepen. Life becomes easier and more
natural.
The ego, in its drive for immediate gratification, gets us into
trouble with addiction and attachment. Not only do we lose
pre-existing strength, but spiritual qualities cannot grow. On
the other hand, our souls yearn for Love, and are willing to pay
the price of work and patience. As we practice the methods of a
seeker, we reinforce the neurocircuits containing spiritual
qualities such as Love, compassion, understanding, strength, and
courage, until these become unconditional habits. In the end, we
realize our true spiritual identity by reconditioning our brain
with soul qualities. We do not have to think about our practice.
We express the habits of a sage, the Love qualities,
automatically, naturally, and easily.
POINTS TO REMEMBER
* In the beginning of our spiritual work, it may be difficult to
get traction. We can gain momentum by setting reasonable goals,
taking small steps, achieving modest successes, and building
from there.
* The next step in our spiritual development is in the immediate
moments of our lives. However, when we do not like what is going
on, we leap out of the moment and back into an unhealthy habit.
We hypnotize and narcotize ourselves in order to avoid
unpleasant feelings. Instead, choose constructive, meaningful
activities and the spiritual methods of a seeker to develop the
spiritual qualities of a sage.
* Break bad habits of thought, attitude, emotion, desire,
energy, and action so you can emerge from the past and find
yourself renewed: fresh, spontaneous, and in the moment.
AFFIRMATIONS
I can eliminate any bad habit.
I expand my will power through practice.
With my expanded will power, I escape from bad habits.
One by one, I eliminate all bad habits.
Nothing can stand in my way.
Nothing can touch my will.
Nothing can shake my resolve.
My will power grows stronger each day.
My mind is set.
Nothing can stop me.
I will succeed.
Old friends who would have me indulge my bad habits are out.
With will and thought, I conquer every bad habit, one at a time.
I am not my bad habits. My true self is free to be warm,
compassionate, loving, and kind.
I am stronger than any negative desire or temptation.
No matter how many times I fail, I will rise and conquer.
As I strengthen my body through physical exercise, I strengthen
my will with mental exercise.
With will and thought, I cast out this bad habit from the
neurocircuits in my brain.
With will and thought, I cultivate the habits of a sage: Love,
peace of mind, compassion, and strength.
EXERCISES
1. Make a list of your good and bad habits. Which habits would
you like to change now?
2. What barriers keep you from changing your bad habits?
3. Make a list of constructive, meaningful activities that you
will use to avoid bad habits.
4. What spiritual methods would you like to practice?
5. What spiritual qualities would you like to develop?
6. What will you do when craving for a destructive habit
returns?
7. Practice the ten steps for replacing bad habits with good and
spiritual habits.
8. Keep a log. Each day you can inspect the status of your
habits. Give yourself credit for your successes. Recognize your
slips, but do not dwell on the bad habit; this only reinforces
the associated brain groove. Instead, cultivate the mental habit
of being gentle with yourself while you focus on the good habits
you are creating. In the next section, we will study five
techniques that comprise a morning and evening spiritual
program. These techniques are progressive muscle relaxation,
breathwork, contemplation, meditation, and prayer.