Transform Your Emotional State
Are you happy with every area of your life? Most of us can think
of something in our lives that we'd like to change. We may think
that if we have more money, lose weight, or have a better
relationship we will happier and more fulfilled. What we
probably don't consider is that if we change our point of view,
we can create even more happiness for ourselves without being
dependent on external factors. What would it take to change your
point of view? Chances are you've done it before without being
aware of its benefits. Think about something in your past that
you were particularly embarrassed about, perhaps as a teenager.
When you look back months or years later you probably laugh
about it. The facts of the event are the same, but your point of
view is different. Having a different point of view about the
same event creates a different interpretation, and results in a
different emotional experience. What could we do with the
emotional quality of our life if we consciously applied this
technique?
Whether it is emotions or behaviors we want to change, the
popular approach is to address our thinking and our beliefs,
with techniques such as "the power of positive thinking". While
beliefs are an important factor in personal change it is not the
only one. If we want to permanently change what we feel
emotionally, we have to change the corresponding point of view.
Our emotional state and behaviors result from a combination of
point of view and our beliefs:
Point of View + Thinking/Belief = Emotion & Behavior
Attempting to change a belief without changing the corresponding
point of view usually only produces temporary shifts.
Why our efforts to change sometimes don't work. When we attempt
to change our behavior or emotional state it is with the best of
intentions to improve our life. However, our thinking and our
intentions may unknowingly be from a corrupted point of view.
For example, let's say we desire to lose weight and get our body
into better shape. Our point of view may be sabotaging our
intention. Intention: "I want to lose weight." Motivation from a
sabotaging viewpoint: "Because I don't' like my body the way it
is". This statement comes from a viewpoint of self-judgment.
The intention to lose weight may be healthy, but it is being
undermined by the emotionally painful mindset, "I don't like my
body the way it is". The more we commit to losing weight, the
more we reject our self. Since we don't enjoy self-rejection, we
are likely to shy away from, or even give up our intention to
lose weight. Consider this alternative, "Because I love my body
so much I am going to nourish it with healthy foods and
exercise." We seek the same actions and results but from a
loving and accepting point of view. If you find this statement
awkward it may be because there are conflicting judgmental
points of view with beliefs about your body.
How to Change our Point of view? This is not a straightforward
task when you consider that point of view doesn't physically
exist anywhere. Of course our thinking and our beliefs don't
"physically" exist anywhere either. They are states of mind and
perception that with some effective practices we can learn to
direct. To help, here are two practical actions to facilitate
shifting your own point of view.
Mindfulness Technique: One simple action is to look at your own
point of view. Put your attention on the part of your mind that
is generating your thoughts or emotions at the moment. It may be
helpful to focus on a physical location in your mind, such as
behind your eyes or the back of your head. You might notice that
the thought seems to generate from outside your physical body.
This action turns the mind on itself and moves our point of view
into greater self-awareness. This action of hunting will help
you stay in an observer point of view without interpretation.
Being mindful in this way shifts our perception without putting
us in a judgmental point of view. The pitfall to avoid is going
into self-analysis, which often leads to a judgmental point of
view. Simply look and notice, and refrain from the analysis. If
analysis happens, then observe the point of view the analysis is
generated from.
A Practical Technique: Sometimes an interaction with another
person results in unpleasant emotions that we stew in for hours
or days afterwards. We are not only trapped in a story; we are
trapped in a point of view. When your mind keeps looping through
the same scenario, try the following: Write out the interaction
from a third person point of view. Avoid using "I" or "me" as
this pulls your viewpoint back into the story. Include in your
writing all the thoughts and interpretations that went on in
"her/his" head at the time. This technique moves you out of the
story loop and somewhat out of the emotions. If you want to
stretch your perception even further you can write about the
interaction from the other person's point of view. People are
often surprised at how much their emotion changes in a short
time of writing.
Small shifts in point of view create large changes in Life. Our
point of view is not fixed, as it often shifts in reaction to
events or people. We are not accustomed to consciously shifting
it ourselves. The two techniques above are just the beginning of
many possible approaches that will enable you to shift your
emotional state and behaviors. We need not leave our emotional
state in the hands of chance events and other people. When you
want to make changes in the emotional quality of your life,
consider creating small changes in your point of view.
It is through actions like these that we change our life.
Reading spiritual books and ideas are unlikely to guide us to
happiness and love. This is because the information we gather is
often interpreted from a viewpoint of judgment and victimization
that created the problem. More information will not help us to
be happier, except when we utilize that information to take
action.
Paying attention to your point of view and shifting it yourself
may be unfamiliar to you. Don't expect that you will be an
expert in the first dozen attempts. But if being happy in all
areas of your life is important to you then this is a process
worth learning. Be patient with yourself as you develop this
life mastery skill.