Join the Army and Stop Breathing
Army recruitment goals are down - about fifty percent under
their needs - and I'm surprised that anybody's surprised by
this. While the Army has been trying to attract warm bodies the
other services have been shedding them. The force cuts in the
Navy and Air Force have been about forty five thousand (more or
less) and the Army had been expecting that a good percentage of
these would naturally go into the Army because, I suppose, they
assume that these sailors and airpersons love the military so
much that they'll find some way to stay in. Or maybe that they
want their twenty year pension so bad that they'll do anything
to secure themselves that comfy retirement.
Wrong-O. That didn't happen. Hardly any of the sailors or
air-humans that were let go then went into the Army and the Army
was very mystified by this. As a service to the Army I'll
explain why. They should remember that there has always been
rivalry between the services and that a sailor views himself as
a sailor and that's it. Same with the Airforce. Speaking as a
former sailor I can tell you that we had unkind names for people
in the other services - very hurtful ones,really. The last thing
on Earth any other service person would want to do is to learn
how to fire a rifle and crawl through the mud. Not our cup of
tea, you know.
Plus, these sailors and airpeople that have been cut are really,
kind of, the dregs of their respective services or if not dregs
exactly, at the very least, the ones that the Navy and Airforce
thought they could do without. What does it tell you when these
people decide to pass on your offer?
Well, for one thing it means they probably don't want to die.
The retirement they are more likely to earn for themselves in
Iraq is a permanent one under six feet of Earth with a pretty
white cross over their heads. I'm not saying anyone's a coward
exactly, but when you've already served your country and then
some, it seems more than reasonable that somebody else takes
their turn. But it's a volunteer Army and the patriotic
motivation to serve your country is much more of a theoretical
one in this instance. Iraq didn't attack us, wasn't going to
attack us, and turns out not to even have had the means to
attack us. I know, Saddam Hussein was a real bad man who killed
millions, but if that were all it took then we should be in
Africa right now because there are even worse bad men there who
are killing even more people.
Oh, right. They don't have any oil. Never mind. What was I
thinking?
So, no one's volunteering even though the Army is now trying to
entice them with a fifteen month enlistment. Now, who on Earth
do they think they're fooling with that? You can become just as
dead in fifteen months as you can in sixteen, so, no thank you
on that one. Anyways, pretty much everybody's aware of the
double cross the Army's been pulling on their soldiers right
now, and fifteen months still means as long as they feel like
keeping you, because that's precisely what happened to the men
and women who had their enlistments involuntarily extended. So,
no thank you again, Army.
We aren't going to have a draft. Don't worry about that. Bush
already told us that and he's always been one hundred percent
honest and straight forward with the American people, and if I
were a draft age eligible male right now I certainly wouldn't be
heading for Canada for my extended vacation, because I would
just trust everything that this guy says. I also wouldn't
suddenly start going around spouting out about how 'gay' I was,
either, if I were you, since that would make you inelgible to
serve your country - not that you're going to be forced to -
since I repeat: We aren't going to have a draft.