How to Resolve Relationship Conflicts
One minute you seem like lovesick turtledoves teasing, laughing
and giggling with all your might. Then a few minutes later, you
begin yelling and berating each other and a lover's quarrel is
already in progress. A little bantering was all it took to stoke
up a rising emotional tension.
Every now and then, no matter how close and intimate a couple
is, an argument occasionaly looms to create a tide in the
relationship. Although sometimes it shakes a relationship down
to its very core, if handled well, it is healthy and can help
create lasting relationships. Here is a list of what couples
like you usually argue about and what you should do whenever you
are faced with another petty bickering.
Jealousy
Jealousy is a natural human emotion. It is not negative in
itself. How people react to jealous feelings make it negative.
Usually, jealousy stems from the lack of trust or lack of
assurance from one's partner. It can also come from a low
self-image or an inferioriy complex. If you're the jealous one,
learn to act by reason and not by emotion. Your jealousy is just
a product of your own mental-emotional patterns that only exist
in your head. Just because your lover admired something about
another person, does not mean that you are loved any less, or
that the person is more attractive than you are. Voice out how
you feel to your partner so that you can discuss things and he
can help you alleviate your jealousy. If your partner is the
green-eyed monster, assure him of your devotion and reassure him
of his innate worth as your love mate. Perhaps your partner
needs more attention and affection than you are giving him.
Individual Differences
When you first met, it may be the similarities you found with
each other that instantly created the bond and rapport. However,
as you knew each other better, it's your differences that
potentially fashioned the strength of your relationship. Hence,
it is important that you value the differences that make you
unique as a couple. Perhaps, there might be times when you may
want to change your partner into your view of his potential. But
even if you'd succeed in your crusade, chances are you'd lose
respect for him for allowing you to have done it and for not
having the personal strength to be himself. So it is better that
you both learn to compromise and meet halfway everytime a
conflict surges. Be ready to recognize each other's weaknesses
and learn to appreciate what the other has to offer. Instead of
seeing yourselves as separate individuals, practise seeing each
other as an aspect of yourselves. In this way you shatter the
illusion of separation and bridge the gap that's keeping you
asunder.
Unmet Expectations
When a dispute recurs but too many times like a bad case of
athlete's foot but you have no clue as to what's really causing
the problem, odds are it was because your partner did not meet
your expectations or he didn't meet yours. When expectations are
not met, a spat usually ushers in. Depending on the expectations
you may want to concede in your relationship, it is highly
commendable that you bring your expectations upfront from the
very start of the relationship. Determine which expectations are
most important to you and which are most important to your
partner. Spend some time tossing around what you both desire and
need from the relationship and what you must have and won't
tolerate from each other. Remember, love works best when it
involves both give and take.
You're-Wrong-I'm-Right Attitude
Instincts often tell us not to give up and admit defeat in times
of disagreements especially if we are certain that we are right.
But come to think of it, does it really matter who's right and
who's not? In a relationship, it is never good to assert too
much if it means you could hurt your partner. Let go of having
to "be right!" If you must speak up, do it lovingly. Never tell
your partner that he is wrong straight in the face. If you do
this, you may just stir a storm in a teacup and set about a
violent outburst. Instead of having to be RIGHT, decide between
your mate that it is more important to be HAPPY. Discuss in a
loving way areas of mutual concern then agree on certain terms
so that you prevent yourselves from meshing with future
disagreements.
Money Matters
When you're going through the honeymoon phase of your
relationship, money may not be much of an issue. Nonetheless, as
the relationship progresses, power struggles and control issues
around money may just start surfacing. This creates tension that
if not resolved, can put a serious damper on the relationship.
Where critical differences exist in your financial expectations,
try to negotiate. Work out a way of managing your finances that
gives you both some control. In any case, if one is earning more
than the other, he/she shouldn't hold all the control because
even if the other is contributing less in the financial aspect,
that does not mean he/she is contributing any less in other
areas of the relationship. Over all of this, if there are still
issues, sit and talk things over. Discussion and cooperation may
not confer instant solutions to difficult financial issues, but
knowing you and your partner agree about how to approach the
situation will help maintain the zing in your relationship.
Arguments by nature are difficult and can even be hurtful and
frustrating. And yet, they are a normal natural aspect of any
relationship. Like the salt to meat dishes, they add flavor to
the lives of couples and help build better relationships. On the
other hand, if disputes are handled poorly, they can also
potentially wreck a strong relationship. So, in order to avoid
this, every disagreement should be carefully handled in a way
that would boost relationship satisfaction and pave the way for
new growth together. Truly, it's fun to fight and make up (and
out) after knowing you have worked together through it all.