Distinction: Adjusting vs. Adapting
Definitions
Adjusting - A few tweaks and you're on your way. Minor changes
to accommodate to minor changes, while most of your life and
circumstances remain the same.
Adapting - Something major has happened, and you won't be able
to survive unless you make major changes within yourself, and
across most areas of your life.
Comparisons
When your teenager goes off to college v. when your teenager dies
When your department changes v. when your company endures a
hostile takeover
When your husband takes up fitness and moves a treadmill into
the living room v. when your husband takes a mistress and moves
her into your place at the lake
Example
ADJUSTING: A chameleon adjusts. When it finds itself on a green
leaf, it turns green. When it moves to a brown twig, it turns
brown. It's a minor adjustment, changing the color of its skin.
ADAPTING: A tadpole adapts. In order to be able to live on dry
land, it must lose its tail and gills, grow legs and start using
lungs. It must learn to breathe air, not water.
ADJUSTING: Mary had an adjustment to make. She had moved across
town. She had to learn a new route to work, meet some new
neighbors, familiarize herself with the location of hospitals,
grocery stores and gas stations, and get used to an electric
stove instead of a gas stove.
ADAPTING: Letitia moved from the US to Russia. She had to learn
a new culture and a new language.
ADJUSTMENT REQUIRED: Ben got a divorce. Though he had not been
dating her, he had fallen back in love with his high school
sweetheart. When he divorced, he started dating his sweetheart,
remained in the same home, had custody of his two children, kept
the same job, the place at the lake, and maintained his strong
network of friendships.
ADAPTATION REQUIRED: Tina's husband divorced her. He took most
of the couple's assets and left her with all the debts, so she
was forced to file bankruptcy. Because of the social set they
moved in, she lost many friends. At the same time her last child
left for college, she got downsized, her mother died, and she
developed breast cancer.
ADJUSTING: You know you can do it. You just may not want to.
ADAPTING: You have a sense you don't have what it takes to cope
with it.
Key Point
Understanding the changes that adaptation will require helps you
through the transition, which is often more like a
metamorphosis. It can feel like having to grow wings! When you
face a situation requiring ADJUSTING, you think, "Things have
changed." When you face a situation requiring ADAPTING, you
think, "I will never be the same again."
Benefits
Much more of you is required in an adaptation. Major life
changes will require you to leave major things behind, and learn
new ways, sometimes new ways of "being". It can be as
challenging as learning to breathe air instead of water. An
adaptation requires strong emotional intelligence skills, which
can be learned.
Related distinctions
Your new in-laws speak with a heavy Southern drawl vs. Your new
in-laws speak only Russian
You have a new baby boy vs. your wife gives birth to quintuplets
You break your ankle in a car accident vs. You lose both your
legs in a car accident