Living with More Energy and Joy
The most common complaint of mothers today is that they are
tired. Being a mom is hard work. I love Dr. Phil. He always
says, "Being a stay at home mom is like having two full time
jobs." Following that logic, moms who work from home actually
have three full-time jobs. It's exhausting just thinking about
it. While we obviously need to conserve our energy, it is
difficult when we are confronted with constant energy drainers.
This month I am going to address those things in life that steal
energy.
Today my two year old woke up, and I could tell from the
beginning, it was going to be one of those days. Independence
and opposition were on the top of his priority list. He wants
cookies for breakfast...not. The fork I pick is absolutely the
wrong fork. After a challenging bath, he insists on drying with
the dark green towel. I explain this towel is dirty and he has a
choice between a red towel and a light green towel. When he
stubbornly refuses to make a choice, I pick the red towel. Of
course that is the wrong choice. As all moms know, in this kind
of mood, the light green towel would also have been the wrong
choice. And every child, regardless of age, has days like this.
Dealing with negativity in children is an obvious energy
drainer. The answer is to remain positive and flexible, to work
at neutralizing the child's conflict energy. It is important to
rise above the frustration and meet his negative energy with
love.
While the daily demands of being a mom take an obvious toll on
energy, there are many energy drains that are not as obvious.
Unresolved conflict and negative emotions can be an enormous,
though subtle, energy drain. Many people are not even aware of
the energy it takes to hold on to unresolved issues. Think of it
this way. The more unresolved issues the brain has to cope with,
the less energy there is to cope with every day issues. No
wonder coping skills tend to diminish as these issues build up.
Forgive and let go. If fear and anxiety are taking over, have
faith to believe that everything is going to be okay. We all
have the power to handle anything that comes our way.
Relationships that compromise our values drain energy. I know a
mom who wants to instill high self-esteem in her son. She is
encouraging and loving. Her husband, on the other hand, values
making his son tough. He doesn't want to nurture his son for
fear of making him too soft. When these two energies conflict,
the mom feels unsupported. Each of us needs to find balance in
our relationships. We must understand and convey to family and
friends the values we are unwilling to compromise on and set
boundaries with those who challenge those values.
Not enough sleep or exercise is obviously going to deplete
energy. But how about that health concern we avoid? Taking care
of the body, the mind and the spirit are important when it comes
to keeping energy levels high. When I first started staying home
with my children, I was very lonely and bored. I had been a
working mom for over 10 years. Now here I was stuck in the house
carrying on one-way conversations with a baby. I didn't know any
other stay-at-home moms, and I certainly wasn't being
intellectually stimulated. It took me a while to figure out why
I was so down. I was so busy taking care of my child, that I
forgot I was more than just a mother. It took volunteering at
church and starting my own business to fulfill that depleted
part of me. Our energy drains when we don't nurture the
intellectual and creative parts of ourselves. It is okay for us
to take a break from motherhood and be the women we were
designed to be.
Clutter and disorganization are major energy drainers. When my
house is in order, I feel so much lighter and freer. Believe me,
I know it is difficult to stay organized and clutter free. Start
with one room at a time. Fly Lady tells us to set the timer and
de-clutter for 15 minutes a day.
It is interesting that financial issues are the number one
things that coaches work on with their clients. This is not
surprising when so many areas of life rest on our financial
state. Having a Will to protect children and assets, getting a
clear idea of how much money will be needed for a child's
education and for retirement are issues that need to be
addressed. Worrying about these things even once in a while
drains energy - energy that is needed for daily life.
Understanding the things that can drain energy is the first step
towards dealing with and eliminating them. It is amazing how
much energy can be freed up and how much more fun life is when
we resolve our worries and deal with our unfinished business.
Being happier and healthier moms not only benefits us, but also
our children.
Lori Radun, CEC is a certified life coach for moms and author of
the 8-week eCourse "The Energy Equation - Energizers - Energy
Drains = JOY!". If you're looking for an instant formula for
living a energy-filled and joyful life, go to
http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com/ecourses.html