The Adopted Child: Trauma and Its Impact
Adopted at the age of six months, Joseph was a fussy and
sometimes hard to soothe infant. Feeling as though this was just
normal infant difficulties with the adjustment of adoption, Pat
and Robert paid it little attention. When Joseph reached the age
of two and began to bite the other children in daycare, they
chalked it up to the dreaded two-year old stage of which
everyone assumes to be okay. Though the biting never quite
ceased that year, with a few modifications, Joseph made it
through the year. The teachers raved about how smart he was. By
the time he was six, the increasing duration of the school day
seemed almost more than he could bear. Sometimes screaming for
hours at a time, Joseph would do no work and then would spend
the remainder of the day in isolation. Prone to striking out
when others attempted to soothe him, Joseph had now grown
accustomed to attempting to runaway from the school personnel
when his behavior would escalate. On many occasions this would
lead to Joseph being restrained by the security guards,
principal, or coaches. Eventually Joseph began to stack up a
list of schools attended and suspended from. By the time Joseph
had hit the 5th grade, his increasingly violent outburst coined
with outward defiance had gained him two different stays at
local residential treatment centers. Not knowing where else to
turn or what else to do, and after failed attempts at therapy,
and more than eight psychiatric medications had proved of little
benefit other than causing Joseph to appear "zombie-like," Pat
and Robert felt their only other option was to send Joseph to a
boys boarding school.
Unfortunately, the above story is not an uncommon plight that
adoptive parents face. Though not always leading to a disruption
or out-of-home placement, many adoptive families struggle for
years to create the peaceful family of which they had dreamed.
Regrettably, one of the main barriers preventing such family
harmony is one of the least understood when it comes to
understanding the plight of the adopted child. The barrier is
trauma.
Whether adopted from birth or later in life, all adopted
children have experienced some degree of trauma. Trauma is
any stressful event which is prolonged, overwhelming, or
unpredictable. Though we are familiar with events impacting
children such as abuse, neglect, and domestic violence, until
recently, the full impact of trauma on adopted children has not
been understood.
What Science Is Now Revealing
Scientific research now reveals that as early as the second
trimester, the human fetus is capable of auditory processing and
in fact, is capable of processing rejection in utero. In
addition to the rejection and abandonment felt by the newborn
adoptee or any age adoptee for that matter, it must be
recognized that the far greater trauma often times occurs in the
way in which the mind and body system of the newborn is
incapable of processing the loss of the biological figure. Far
beyond any cognitive awareness, this experience is stored deep
within the cells of the body, routinely leading to states of
anxiety and depression for the adopted child later in life.
Because this initial experience has gone for so long without
validation, it is now difficult for parents to understand. Truth
be told, the medical community still discounts this early
experience. Nevertheless, this early experience is generally the
child's original trauma. From that point forward many more
traumas may occur in the child's life. These include premature
birth, inconsistent caretakers, abuse, neglect, chronic pain,
long-term hospitalizations with separations from the mother, and
parental depression. Such life events interrupt a child's
emotional development, sometimes even physical development,
subsequently interrupting his ability to tolerate stress in
meaningful relationships with parents and peers.
An important aspect of trauma is in recognizing that simply
because a child has been removed from a traumatic environment,
this does not merely remove the trauma from the child's memory.
In fact, stress is recognized to be the one primary key to
unlocking traumatic memories. Unfortunately for both the adopted
child and family, the experience of most traumas in the child's
life is that the traumatic experiences typically occur in the
context of human relationships. From that point forward, stress
in the midst of a relationship will create a traumatic
re-experiencing for the child, leading the child to feel
threatened, fearful, and overwhelmed in an environment which
otherwise may not be threatening to other people.
10 Keys to Healing Trauma in the Adopted Child:
1. Trauma creates fear and stress sensitivity in
children. Even for a child adopted from birth, their internal
systems may already be more sensitive and fearful than that of a
child remaining with his biological parents. You must also
consider the first nine months in which the child developed.
These early experiences as well could have major implications.
2. Recognize and be more aware of fear being demonstrated
by your child. Be more sensitive and tuned in to the small
signals given such as clinging, whining, not discriminating
amongst strangers, etc. All are signs of insecurity which can be
met by bringing the child in closer, holding, carrying, and
communicating to the child that he is feeling scared, but you
will keep him safe.
3. Recognize the impact of trauma in your own life. One
of the single greatest understandings parents can have is a
self-understanding. Research tells us that far more
communication occurs non-verbally than verbally. Understanding
the impact of past trauma in your own life will help you become
more sensitive to when your reactions are coming from a place
other than your existing parent/child experience.
Re-experiencing past trauma is common when parents are placed in
an ongoing stressful environment.
4. Reduce external sensory stimulation when possible.
Decrease television, overwhelming environments, number of
children playing together at one time, and large family
gatherings. When necessary that these events take place, keep
the child close, explain to him that he may become stressed and
he can come to you when needed.
5. Do Time-In instead of Time-out. Rather than sending
the stressed out and scared child to the corner to think about
his behavior, bring him into to you and help him to feel safe
and secure. Internally, this will then permit him the ability to
think about his actions. Though time-in is not a time for
lecturing, it will allow your child an opportunity to calm his
stress and then think more clearly. Another effective key is to
let the child decide how much time-in he needs.
6. Do not hit traumatized children. Doing so will only
identify you as a threat. The biblical verse spare the rod,
spoil the child speaks to the raising of sheep. A rod is used to
guide the sheep and the staff to pull him back into line when he
strays. Hitting children, just like sheep, will cause them to
become frightened of you and in many instances to runaway or hit
back.
7. There is never enough affection in the world. A very
simple technique for time is the affection prescription
10-20-10. Give a child 10 minutes of quality time and
attention first thing in the morning, 20 minutes in the
afternoon, and 10 in the evening. Following this prescription of
time has proven to have a great impact on the most negative
behavior.
8. Encourage an IEP in the classroom to develop an
understanding of the child's stress and fear. This may assist in
addressing such vital areas as homework, playground, peer
interaction, lunchtime, and physical education. All are common
areas of reduced structure and increased stress.
9. Educate yourself regarding the impact of stress and
trauma on families. Try not to scapegoat your child for their
difficulties, but rather take responsibility for creating the
environment necessary for healing his hurtful experiences. There
are many resources available. A few of note are: www.postinstitute.com ;
www.parentingthead
optedchild.com ; and www.postfamilysystem.com
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10. Seek support. Parenting a child with trauma history
can take its toll on the best of parent. Seek out a support
system for occasional respite care, discussing of issues, and
the sharing of a meal. Such small steps can go a long ways
during particularly stressful times.
In closing, never forget that you are a great parent. During
times of stress you won't always feel like it, but both you and
your child were meant to be together. Your child will teach you
far more about yourself than you may have ever realized without
him. Give yourself time to refuel, connect, and communicate. And
finally, a secure parental relationship is the single greatest
gift you can give your child. When the parental relationship is
secure this will permit the child a foundation to grow from.
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