Copyright The Quipping Queen 2006. GUNG HAY FAT CHOY ALL YOU MERRY MUTTS! Or, time to kowtow to bow-wow and how! Theolonius McTavish, a dansey-headed, deep-musing, do-it-yourself dendranthopologist, (better known as one who's just descended from the Tree of Knowledge to learn that it's time to pay tribute to man's best four-legged friend in a dilettantish dog-eat-dog world!) There's no doubt about it - 2006 is the "Year of the Dog", according to Chinese astrology. So you'll feel right at home eating a dog's breakfast, reading dog-eared books, and learning how to build or live in a doghouse. (The latter item is a recognized substitute for the naughty stool used by ticked-off teachers, nasty nannies, or very vexed vixens...also known as 'insufferable icky-poos'). If you're feeling the urge to throw a dazzling "doggone dinner party" to celebrate the "ruff-ruff" year ahead, don't forget to serve a bottle of your finest, fully-matured, palate-pleasing, vivacious vino. Forget about those gurgling grape juice jugs full of fancy fizz that accompany a heaping plate of sphaghetti-and-meatballs or conveniently mask the flavor of those ever-popular "hamburger helper" lean-cuisine meals. Frankly "Purple Pooch Plonk", "Cantankerous Corgi Cabernet Sauvignon", "Panting Poodle Pinot Gris", "Snooty Spitz Shiraz", "Piddling Pomeranian Pinot Noir", or "Slobbering St. Bernard Sauvignon Blanc" won't cut it with either the top "hot dogs" or the weiner variety! In a pinch, they work well as mouthwash, but your dog biscuit appetizers need something with a bit of class and clout! Just take my humble advice and choose something from the following list of "dog" whines on the vine. (A "dog" wine is not necessarily bad in quality but one that is hard to sell and more apt to sit on the shelf waiting for Godot not to mention making the acquaintance of some very boring dust-bunnies.) This is all the more reason why you should give these "dogs" the light of day they deserve play, and hopefuly impress the paws off your canine companions. Without further ado... here we go: "B" Bad Dog Red (France) Bad Dog White (France) Bad Dog Red, Syrah, Cabernet Sauvignon (Australia) Bad Dog White, Sauvignon Blanc/Chardonnay (Australia) Bastard Hill, Yarra Burn Hardy Wines (Australia) Big Ass (U.S.A.) Big Dog Wine - Canis Major (U.S.A.) Big Fat & Gutsy, Arakoon Wines (Australia) Black Dog, Bent Creek Vineyards (Australia) Blue Nose (U.S.A.) Bong Bong, Centennial Vineyards (Australia) Brown Dog, Stevens Brook Estate (Australia) Bungawarra, Bungawarra Wines (Australia) Bunnamagoo, Bunnamagoo estate Wines (Australia) "D" Devi's Corner, Tamar Ridge Wines (Australia) Dingabledinga, Arakoon Wines (Australia) Dogajolo (Italy) Dog House - Charlie's Chardonnay (U.S.A.) Dog House - Maxie's Merlot (U.S.A.) "F" Fat Bastard (France) Frost Dodger, Torzi Matthews Vintners (Australia) Fun Dog, Wild Dog Winery (Australia) "H" His Master's Choice, Ridgeback Wines (South Africa) Humpers, Tom's Waterhole Wines Pty Ltd. (Australia) "I" Il Bastardo (Italy) "J" Jezebel, Cabonne (Australia) "L" Lucky Bastard, Samson Hill Estate (Australia) Lucy's Run, Lucy's Run (Australia) "M" Marmaduke, Cape Mentelle (Australia) Mad Dog, Mad Dog Wines Pty. Ltd. (Australia) Merlot Over and Play Dead, Livermore Valley (U.S.A.) MoonDog Acre, Moon Dog Acre Wines (Australia) Old Bastard, Kaesler Wines (Australia) "P" Portrait of a Mutt, Mutt Lynch Winery (Australia) "R" Racy Ros