GUNG HAY FAT CHOY PARTY POOCHES!
Copyright The Quipping Queen 2006.
GUNG HAY FAT CHOY ALL YOU PARTY POOCHES!
Or, time to kowtow to bow-wow!
Theolonius McTavish, a dansey-headed, deep-musing,
do-it-yourself dendranthopologist, (better known as one who's
just descended from the Tree of Knowledge to learn that it's
time to pay tribute to man's best four-legged friend in a
dilettantish dog-eat-dog world!)
The Chinese New Year always makes for great fun and oodles of
frolic. And 2006 is no exception with everyone and his dog
paying tribute to the "Year of the Dog" ...naturally.
So put on your weatherproof woof-woof outfit, and shake a leg
(preferably near a fire-hydrant if you please)! Or if that's out
of the question, just try waddling, wiggling or wagging your
trusty tail at man's best friend, "Fido" or "Fifi" as the case
According to Chinese astrology, here's what's in store for these
four categories of canine creatures:
Wood Dog - Best advice: stay away from all manner of
extreme-stuff, especially mutt-makeovers and skateboarding with
stray scamps! And, whatever you do, beware of pesky pooches and
nervous-Nellies, they're sure to leave you with a bad case of
the hives or else far too many itches in places that you can't
scratch ...not in a million years!
Fire Dog - Some people will call you one very "hot dog",
and why not? Finally your creative imagination is paying off
...as all those delightful duct tape sculptures and
paint-by-numbers portraits of dogmatic do-it-yourselfers just
like you will finally grace the well-disposed walls of dapper
doghouses the world over!
Earth Dog - We all know that you love keeping your nose
to the grindstone which means you'll have difficulty this year
sniffing out useless opportunities leading nowhere fast. The
good news is you can eliminate a gloomy atmosphere by exercising
your seething jealous genes for a change. That's bound to make
your pooch partner one very unhappy camper ...in what otherwise
might have been a "hot diggety-dog-diggity, boom what you do to
me" moment in time!
Metal Dog - Heavy metal music has always been your thing,
but this year you may run into some domestic disasters. A
certain whippet wunderkin next door is threatening to call the
city bylaw enforcement officer (who's determined to put you
behind bars where you'll be obliged to listen to nothing but
"Jailhouse Rock" for the rest of the year). Smile, it could be
Water Dog - Yes, we know how much you adore your water
wings and why you love to show off your dog-paddle. But the
astral climate is changing throwing monkeys into wrenches,
raining cats and cogs, and melting polar ice caps leaving
Abominable people of snow and one red tunic jocular-challenged
pissed off with the impending loss of their habitat and jobs.
Suck it up, adapt, and learn how to become a frequent flyer
...that's why the Big-Guy-In-The-Sky gave you large floppy ears,
a streamlined undercarriage, and a wee wagger to handle
So, count your lucky stars this year ...cause every dog will
have his day!