Abusive relationships are so painful that I often wonder why it takes so long for us to know that it is abusive, addictive love we are experiencing. The damage created by an abusive relationship only worsens over time, weakening the abused and giving the abuser more power. As the situation continues, without resolution or a plan to change the dynamic, eventually abusers will typically threaten and carry through on their physical threats. How and where does it start? Through all the confusion and madness how do we find ourselves in this sort of mess and what can we do about it?

Abuse comes from a need to control, fear of abandonment, lack of trust and love, a learned behavior and lack of knowledge to move towards resolution in a positive way.

It often begins with verbal abuse, learned behaviors that are unhealthy, and not knowing how to develop a caring, loving relationship. Being unaware of its damaging effects the one being abused slowly loses confidence, self esteem, their identity, and respect for themselves. The abused person is unaware of how they are keeping themselves stuck and how they can get out of the painful abusive pattern.

No one deserves abuse nor are they in any way responsible for the way the abuser is treating them. They do, however, need to learn why it is happening and what they need to change in themselves. First and foremost is to gain self respect.

Abusive relationships need professional help and a dedicated participation from the people involved to make the change. If both partners do the work - the freedom from pain, the true feeling of being loved and loving another human being are only a part of the rewards. It takes a responsibility and respect of your self to break the pattern and learn new ways to be. If your partner is not willing to be apart of it seek help on your own to develop a course of action.

Are you in an abusive relationship or know someone who is? Having been there myself I found it hard to know where to start, and didn