Osama bin Laden Needs a Pay Raise

Osama bin Laden probably needs to get a pay raise, as he has not sent in any new videos lately to scare us via Al Jezerz TV. Where oh where has our little dog gone? We need OBL to keep us in fear. Without a really evil type protagonist it makes everyone look really stupid in all these Middle Eastern conflicts? We have tried to promote other bad guys to the scene, various Cleric Lunatics who are in sighting Muslim Radical Jihadists to the battle. But it is not working. Everyone is asking where Osama bin Laden really is. Hiding in a cave sounded really funny and cool, but obviously that was bogus?

The CIA says we;