Performance Feedback: Why We're Scared and How Not to Be

Effective communication is not a one-way street. It involves an interaction between the sender and the receiver. The responsibility for this interaction is assumed by both parties. The speaker can solicit feedback and adjust the message accordingly. The listener can summarize what was said for the speaker and continually practice the empathetic process.

Feedback is a major source of information which tells you how you are perceived by others and how your behavior is affecting them. This exchange must exist for true communication to take place. An effective communicator solicits feedback from the receiver in order to check for understanding and to remove as many barriers from the process as possible. The communication process is complex, but giving and receiving feedback, especially critical feedback, ranks as the most personal and threatening aspect of all. This is unfortunate, as most research on motivation suggests that feedback is one of the biggest motivators for change.

This in mind, some people are still reluctant to receive feedback for a number of reasons:
1. damaging self-image
2. causing defensiveness
3. creating vulnerability
4. telling us statements we do not want to hear
5. exposing feelings which are uncomfortable

Interestingly, there are similar concerns for those giving the feedback:

1. uncovering emotions both people do not wish to deal with
2. exposing someone else