Confessions of a Solitary
Some people prefer to take the solitary spiritual path in life
instead of the conventional religious path. Instead of attending
church services, we walk on beaches, in mountains, or simply
work in a garden in order to commune with the Creator.
A need to avoid rituals is often a reason why. I find rituals of
any kind worthy of a shudder. I understand the rituals are
important. Going through the motions, though, makes me
uncomfortable. I am not into touchy-feely stuff.
I am not knocking religion, the Bible, or going to church. These
things are important and desperately needed in today's sad
world. I hope to explain what my relatives fail to understand.
Many of us who prefer the solitary path often refuse to discuss
our spiritual life with other people. Our spiritual life is
deeply personal for us, our confessional.
This unwillingness to share often mystifies devout churchgoers,
many of who depend on the strong foundation of religion and
ritual.
For example, while my relatives break out the family bible
around the Christmas tree, or sing hymns during the family
reunion, I prefer to be alone in my beloved hills. Okay, partly
because my relatives cannot sing worth a damn.
The main reason, though, is that in the hills the only sound to
be heard is the quiet pulse of the earth and, perhaps, a
soothing whisper from the Creator. I hear Him speak in His many
subtle forms, not my relatives or anyone else.
At the old California Spanish mission near my home is a small
plain room. The white stucco walls are dusty with age, and the
clay floor is rutted. High in the wall to the right is a narrow
window strewn with cobwebs. A huge old wooden bench sits
opposite the doorway.
Last week I sat on the bench and gazed out at the mission
garden. The silence in the peaceful room brought to mind the
priests who sat on the same bench over a hundred years before. A
few of the priests now haunt the mission.
My thoughts traveled two thousand years back in time to the
sacrifice made by a courageous young carpenter. I thought of the
world and its troubles, and I prayed the sacrifice was not made
in vain. My faith in the world is somewhat cynical.
I apologized for those who wielded the whips, hammer, and nails.
Guilt stabbed my conscience. I suspect a lot of people feel the
same stab of guilt.
I then walked in the garden. A shaggy blue wild lilac perfumed
the cool air. I commiserated with a bay tree (the poor thing has
smut on its leaves), and nearly interrupted an outdoor wedding.
I entered a clearing surrounded by blossoming pear trees. Wind
swirled through the tree branches. A storm of white petals
showered the earth. I whispered a heartfelt "Thank you" to the
young carpenter.
I will remain on my solitary path that is, in truth, shared by
Another.