IT'S JEST JANUARY!
Copyright "The Quipping Queen" 2005.
CALENDAR OF ODD EVENTS - JAN. 2005
-- Eccentric events and odd occasions to celebrate in January 2005 --
**Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon
January is, to put it bluntly, a bit of a merry-impaired month as far as the Gregorian calendar is concerned.
With the ho-ho-ho season gone...things start all over again.
The origin of January comes from "Janus", the god with two faces, one on the front of his head, and one on the back. He's the guardian of gateways and of beginnings. So now we know who to blame for the ridiculous New Year's resolution ritual.
Brain cell exercises aside, there are simpler if not slothful ways to get through the first month of winter -- by yawning or humming not to mention less taxing titillations such as twiddling one's thumbs and wiggling one's ears.
For those who share an abiding interest in mild merriment, modest mirth and marvellous morsels of muddle -- this month has your name on it.
So, without further adieu -- here are some upcoming odd occasions to add to your "to do" list and eccentric events to celebrate on your January calendar.
Note: The funnybone-impaired should proceed with caution as excessive giggling, glad-handing, and gleams in the eye are known to cause gregarious gleeful behavior which your gloom and doom family members and friends may not understand or appreciate.
JEST JANUARY EVENTS AND CELEBRATIONS
1. NATIONAL NUDE NICK DAY (in honor of Hogmany, Hogwash & Horsefeathers)
2. HOPS N' SCOTCH DAY (in honor of hung-over heffalumps)
3. BURPING, BELCHING & BREAKING WIND DAY (yup, another survival-of-the-fittest contest)
4. LITTLE LEFT OVERS DAY (dedicated to long-forgotten things in the refrigerator)
5. PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY DAY (a fine way to restore hope in the life of Eeyores)
6. HUG A HIPPOGRIFF (a mythical beast named "Bucktooth" is waiting for you at the petting zoo!)
7. CAPRICORN AWARENESS DAY (are you sure you're ready to "get someone's goat"?)
8. BROWN-NOSING DAY (this is your chance to fawn and flatter your way to success)
9. TOUCH TONE TUNE DAY(time to be creative and compose a song using your telephone keypad)
10. PET ROCK RECOGNITION DAY (in honor of boisterous boulders, scintillating stones, and ribald rocks)
11. BAUBLES, BANGLES & BEADS DAY (impress your boss with trashy trinkets, garish gew-gaws, knock'em-dead knickknacks or perhaps a few paddywhacks)
12. NATIONAL CLOCK-WATCHING DAY (in honor of all pathetic procrastinators and ludricrously late-bloomers)
13. "GOTCHA" DAY (better get out the old whooppee cushion and chocolate-covered ants)
14. NATIONAL WORRYWART DAY (brush up on your favorite sky-is-falling stories)
15. GADFLY(homo botflyillucus)CONSERVATION DAY (try cross-pollinating...with a saucy social butterfly...silly)
16. THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN INVENTED DAY in recognition of strange gizmos or unusual gadgets you'd never be caught dead buying or using)
17. EDIBLE GREEN STUFF DAY(learn to love or at least play quietly with your Brussels sprouts, cabbage or celery)
18. SLOW NEWS DAY(in honor of far-flung factoids, sanctimonious slide shows, and pithyless PowerPoint presentations that put most people to sleep)
19. NATIONAL BAD HAIR & HABERDASHERY DAY (dedicated to folks whose favorite coiffure is a ball-cap worn backwards)
20. NATIONAL LEMING AWARENESS DAY(celebrating the value of cliff-hangers and pro-active followship)
21. NAUGHTY POETRY DAY (honoring wicked haikus, salacious puns and daring double-entendres)
22. JUNGLE MOUTH ELIMINATION DAY(so what's your favorite mouthwash or toothpaste flavor?)
23. TICKLE A FRIEND DAY(based on gender-neutral, permission-based solictations only)
24. GOOP & GUNK DAY(time for a bit of patty-cake making or harmless mudslinging)
25. HAGGIS & HIGHLAND FLING APPRECIATION DAY (A celebration of strange Scottish customs kept firmly under wraps unless your name is Robbie Burns)
26. SLIDE RULE REMEMBRANCE DAY(if you don't know, ask an engineer how to use one)
27. SHAGGY DOG STORY DAY(honors any anecdote or joke that lasts more than 5 minutes)
28. GO FLY A KITE DAY (the only way to send your favorite Nemesis up, up, and away!)
29. NATIONAL WET NOODLE DAY (for those who know how to 'boil water' but can't cook with a wok naturally)
30. MERRY VOICE-MAIL GREETINGS DAY (time to create a humorous voice mail message to amaze your family, friends, or work mates)
31. NATIONAL CROSS-DRESSING DAY (what a way to empty your chameleon clothes' closet!)
About the Author
Lady Beatrice Blitterlees (referred to in polite circles as the Duchess of Dither) and Lord Earl Craboon (better known as the Duke of Doorknobs) are a devoted duo in the Ripsnorting Royal Court of The Quipping Queen (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com)