Self-Serving Letters and Emails
Much of business involves inducing people to do what we want
them to do. Whether it is to sign a proposal, return a call, set
up an appointment, provide information or pay a bill, we are
constantly nudging.
In business, to exist you must persist. But what happens if your
nudgee is flat-out unresponsive? Can you still advance your
agenda?
In many cases you can. Execute a classical Poingo inversion, top
it off with a half-gainer and a solid plant at the end, and
you've got your deal.
In English that means to look for opportunities to invert the
situation wherein the inaction, rather than the action of your
nugdee prompts the furtherance of your cause.
Your answer may be a self-serving letter or email. Example:
Your customer ordered a load of snipe bracelets, but now that
you have them and are ready to deliver, you can't get a returned
phone call. After a few attempts, move into self-serving mode.
Leave a phone message, followed by a letter and an email which
essentially says this:
Self Serving Message (paraphrased)
"Hello my esteemed customer, bringer of light and feeder of my
children. I have spent a few seconds of my unworthy life calling
to bring you excellent news about the arrival of your
magnificent snipe bracelets."
"Alas, all which has occurred to date is that I have has the
distinct pleasure of hearing the music of your voice on your
voicemail machine."
"But now I must plan on your behalf, to ensure that your
valuable merchandise arrives in time for the upcoming
"Accoutrement' de Snipe" convention. I will take it upon myself
to defend your interests, my friend, and deliver your valuables
this Friday at 3PM."
"If for any reason you need to modify this plan, please call me
before end of day Thursday so I can best meet your expectations."
Sucking Up You may have noticed a certain Alladin-like
obsequiousness to this message. Good catch! You are basically
ramrodding your customer. At least be nice about it. Remember
what Mary Poppins said about the spoonful of sugar helping the
medicine go down. Frame your actions within a context of the
customer's best interest.
Multi Media Approach Remember, I suggested a call, a letter and
an email. Each additional medium of communication reduces the
ability of your customer to ignore you. Where appropriate, you
may also use smoke signals and carrier pidgeons. Tatoos on
prominent body parts can also be effective.
Don't Hurt Yourself Use self-serving communications sparingly.
Even more important, don't overreach:
"Hello my most wonderful customer whose radiance shares the
skies with the great deities while his feet bless the Earth with
their touch. I surmise that in your greatness you may have
overlooked signing the contract I have humbly offered".(so far,
so good)
"Knowing that you will soon be wanting the 7 shipping containers
filled with the finest New Zealand Kiwi fruits we discussed, I
am ordering their placement on the next barge coming your way.
They will be nicely ripe when they arrive. I am confident that
when you inhale the fragrance of these delicacies, you will
immediately sign the contract and accept delivery."