Does God Heal Today?
I'd never faced this decision before... I didn't know what to
do. When I was first diagnosed with the HIV virus, I read
innumerable articles on it and later suffered from an
information overload and depressing confusion. One article would
speak in favor of taking the highly toxic HIV/AIDS medicines,
and then I'd read another one that spoke against it with just as
convincing of an argument.
As a Church of God member, I knew we encourage members to have
faith in God and teach doctors have their place but that it is
very limited. As I told my doctor: "Miracles have no side
effects and are for free." We're all familiar with the poor
lady in the scriptures who spent all she had on doctors and
wasn't any better for it and then Jesus mercifully healed her.
I cried out to God: "I don't know what to do. What should I do?
I know you can heal me, but what am I supposed to do for
myself?" And shortly thereafter called my mother, who simply
said: "You could always try the medicines and if you don't like
them, you can always stop taking them." How logical!
I immediately began my HIV drug therapy, my AIDS "cocktail." I
know some who have taken meds with few side effects but I could
hardly walk when I first started -- it was worse than being a
staggering drunk -- and the nightmares were out of this
world...when you finally fell asleep. Later I regained my
balance but the nightmares, nightsweats and irritability
continued. I would be drenched like I had just gotten out of the
shower and I would have some tingling in my arms and legs.
Regardless, I strictly adhered to the program for over a year
and then said enough was enough. I admit it reduced the HIV
viral load to "undetectable" (although it's still lurking).
I decided I wanted quality over quantity of life. I would
rather feel good for less years than have more years in misery.
At least that sounded good. Again, I saw stories on television
about others who praised the meds and were near death and
bounced back, but one thing is sure: everybody is an
individual and everybody must make up their own mind about
whether or not to take medicines.
My infectious disease doctor wanted me on the meds and
encouraged me to try another regimen. So I tried nine pills a
day of this with two a day of that and endured for several weeks
and then said I would rather be dead and stopped again. Later I
went on still other drugs, and took Bactrim to fight off
infections and although I didn't have any serious side effects,
I just didn't feel right. I actually felt so much better
off the drugs!
So I created my own program: on drugs for 6-8 weeks to knock my
viral load down (because I start to get scared as it escalates)
and then go off them. I discovered it's called "Systematic
Treatment Interruption" which some studies suggested was good
but now the consensus appears to be it's bad, although I'm
skeptical about the drug industry.
I've seen scriptures where God promises to forgive all your
sins and heal all your diseases (Ps. 103:3), and wonder why
God hasn't removed this self-inflicted dreaded disease from me
since I have confessed and forsaken my sins (Jer. 30:15,
17). (Some have diseases through no fault of their own). I also
know AIDS has helped me to stay celibate, as the Bible
prescribes for all singles, and that God says, "My grace is
sufficient for you" (2 Cor. 12:9).
I've had miraculous answers to prayer; I'm confident God can
heal:
"I shall not die, but live and declare the works of the LORD.
The LORD has chastened me sore, but He has not given me over to
death" (Ps. 118:17-18).
Thy will be done.