An Exact Map to My G Spot
Here is an exact map to my G spot, precise directions for its
stimulation, and an analysis of the hotly debated topic, "Is the
G Spot a UFO type myth?" Human beings can fly spaceships to the
end of the Universe, communicate with dead people, walk on water
and part the Red Sea, but their scientists have not yet been
able to determine whether female ejaculate from G spot
stimulation is G Spot fluid or urine. You are about to find out
the answer to this burning question.
While the world goes into contortions over the newly elected
Hamas Government and the question of whether or not Iran should
be allowed to build nuclear bombs, let us concern ourselves with
more practical matters. In June of 2005 Iran's new hard line
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the son of a blacksmith, defeated
former Eeranian President Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani in a runoff
election. Many in the Muslim World are wondering where George
Bush Jr. gets off acting like President Ahmadinejad's mother.
Others are wondering how a 6'4" man who blew up the World Trade
Center, the Pentagon, and just missed the White House has
managed to hide among Munchkins for 5 years evading capture from
the most sophisticated military in the history of life on Earth,
with the capability of photographing your G spot from mystical
satellites orbiting 10,000 miles above you. And still, the
debate rages over whether the female ejaculate is urine or G
Spot fluid. Perhaps a scientist should taste it. G spot fluid is
clear and sweet. It's Tropicana's newest Patent Pending flavor.
The G spot is named after the famous German gynecologist and
homophobe Ernest Grafenberg. Joseph Lieberman is named after
Joseph in the Holy Bible. Joseph's bothers dug a hole in the
ground and left him there to die. Joseph escaped and then became
the Prince of Egypt. He was an excellent dream interpreter and
pyramid engineer. When the land of Israel suffered a drought,
Joseph's 12 brothers traveled to Egypt in search of food. They
approached Joseph but no one recognized him. They said to
Joseph, "Please Pharaoh give us some sustenance so that we may
eat." Joseph replied, "You are not worthy of Graffenburg fluid."
Here is the map to my G spot. I am laying on my back. You take
your middle finger and insert it into the exact center of my
vagina. Proceed up the top wall for approximately 2". At this
point your finger will descend into a valley. Keep going and you
will leave the valley. Now you know that the valley is there.
Now back up into the center of the valley. The exact center of
the valley is the G spot. Now you need to know what to do with
it.
This part is quite important. My girlfriend Lindsay had an
unfortunate experience. Her boyfriend had found this internet
site in his mailbox where he learned how to stimulate the G
spot. He curled his index finger up and stroked Lindsay's G spot
hard. Two blood transfusions later at the Good Samaritan
Hospital Lindsay came out of her coma. If you are not interested
in 4 years of embarrassing litigation, when you insert your
index finger into your girlfriend's hot, wet, (St. Ives Extreme
Relief Intensive Relief Advanced Unscented Hypo-Allergenic
Therapy Lotion comes in handy here if in your excitement at your
new trick you forgot to kiss her and fondle her breasts and lick
her clitoris first) vagina, instead of curling your middle
finger up, arch it backwards and use the under pad of your
middle finger to gently caress your girlfriend's G spot in
circular motions, or back and forth, or up and down, as you lick
her clitoris, alternating between fingering her fast until she
experiences her first ever simultaneous vaginal, clitoral, G
spot orgasm. You will know it has happened when the walls of her
vagina clench your fingers, she is squirting tasty water all
over your face, the bed is soaking, she is screaming Jesus' name
so loud that the neighbors have called 911 and you are being
escorted from her bedroom with your hands cuffed tightly behind
your back, and your wrists hurt so bad that never again are you
able to pronate through the impact area. If this happens then do
what the Pros do. Supinate.
When you first begin your new trick, your girlfriend may feel
the need to urinate because the Skene's glands that you are
caressing, the female version of the Prostate, are quite close
to her bladder. Unless you want a mouthful of urine, (which many
submissive Washington politicians are willing to trade their
votes for) allow your girlfriend to use the washroom before
proceeding further. You don't want her wearing depends during
sexual relations; that's almost as uncomfortable as latex
condoms. Why not don a haz-mat outfit with body armor, a sword
and a shield?
The male penis generally curves upward. God created it this way
so that it would stimulate the woman's G spot during
intercourse. This is why in actuality the ideal length for the
male penis is 4 inches. Unfortunately, in some men the penis
curves downwards. This can be corrected by a minor surgical
procedure followed by 6 months of physiotherapy. The question
arises, given the human biology, why do women prefer Doggy
Style? During doggy style the normal man's penis is stimulating
the back wall instead of the front wall. The answer is that in
doggy style the man's penis is simulating the arched middle
finger. It all depends on where you sit. This is Einstein's
theory of relativity. Whether you are a terrorist or a hero
depends upon which side you are on. If you are Jewish living in
the land of Canaan during Jesus' lifetime, then the occupying
Roman Empire are your oppressors, and your resistance fighters
are heroes. If on the other hand you are the occupiers in
Samaria today then the Palestinian resistance fighters are
called terrorists. It all depends on your position. Are you the
attacker or the attackee? Have you called Jenny yet?
If you are Jewish and the German people are tossing you into the
gas chambers then Germans are a holes. However if you live in
Israel today and the Germans are referring Iran to the UN
Security council then the German people are your best friend.
Had professor Einstein not been on vacation when Hitler came to
power and not returned, but immigrated to the United States of
America, the children in the United States would all have been
white today, and may God bless you, Coretta Scott King. You may
think that the Christian, Muslim, Jewish beginning of nuclear
world war 3 that we are now involved in is a bad thing, but how
many American children knew where Afghanistan was prior to 911?
It seems that human beings can only form close ties after
engaging in world wars against one another, like 2 heavy weight
boxers after a hard fought match embracing in the center of the
ring, their sweat dripping like someone had just stimulated
their prostate gland.