Empty Nest - an end or just the beginning?
It's January. Your child's applications have finally been
completed - you've survived the first part of the stressful
college search. But for some reason, instead of feeling a sense
of relief, you wake up with a sense of dread lurking somewhere
in the back of your mind that you know has little to do with the
four years of college bills you're about to face.
You probably thought it wouldn't hit until you drove away from
the campus, leaving your son or daughter to fend for themselves
for the first time, or when you got home and notice how quiet
the house seems with one less person. But even now, months
before, you're not sure you're ready, are plagued with questions
about how you will fill the empty days or what it will mean for
you.
Welcome to the beginning stages of the Empty Nest transition!
Whether your child is soon heading off to college, getting
married or moving to a new city, it's normal to feel some
concern about what this means for your life. For the past 18 or
more years, a large part of your identity, and on some days,
probably all of your energy, have been devoted to meeting the
needs of your children and that's about to change.
Empty nest transitions are one of the larger changes families
go through, and like most transitions, they develop gradually,
stirring up what has been a fairly stable routine, as well as
questions you may not have had to think about for years.
Do you now cringe almost as much as your child to the question
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" Lots of empty nesters
do. The good news is that this period can be one of incredible
growth and personal fulfillment, a time to really focus on
yourself, your needs, and your dreams.
How? As with all transitions, once you've accepted that change
is coming, taking some time to come to terms with what it means
to you is important. While many of us aren't used to thinking
about how we'd like to design our own lives, this period of
transitions is one when you can do just that. And you deserve to
- you've just completed one of the most worthwhile and difficult
jobs there is - raising a child who is almost an adult, ready to
go off into the world.
In quiet moments, brainstorm about what you'd like to do with
the extra time and energy that this transition will bring. What
makes you feel happy? What are your strengths? What do you now
know and what have you wanted to learn? Have you always wanted
to go back to school, start your own business, develop your
artistic abilities, travel, or play golf? Think big!
Once you've allowed yourself to play with all of the different
possibilities, look into how you can make it a reality. Talk
with your friends, your partner, or experts. The internet is
another great resource to find some great information on the
possible steps you need to make your dreams a reality.
Taking the time to begin thinking about designing your own life
now may not keep away the tears or the feelings of emptiness as
you drive away from the college on that first day, but will
provide you with something to focus on, to feel excited about.
And if it all feels overwhelming, if thinking about doing things
for yourself is foreign to you, or if you'd like support during
this part of your journey, consider working with a coach to help
you identify your strengths and dreams, and help you develop a
plan that will let this time of transition become one where you
flourish.