Embrace Your True Self
I hope you will be less sugar and more spice, and only a
little bit nice. Embrace your crunchiness, girls, your
crustiness, your passions, your selves. Retain your sparkle,
your individuality, your eccentricities...
You needn't be ladylike to be a woman, for being female is
complex, an essence encompassing all that is you... Kind,
thoughtful and generous of heart, but honest and fierce and
resolute.
-Bobbi Linkletter
At some point in life, women very often lose connection to their
true selves, inner wisdom, voice, spirit. This process happens
through messages given to us by our parents, religion,
education, the media telling us how we "should" behave, think
and feel. Over time, as we incorporate these messages, we
develop our own "inner critic" and lose connection to who we are
essentially. We internalize the idea that somehow who we really
are is not good enough. This "inner critic" takes over for the
outside voices we grew up hearing. We begin to feel this is how
we really think. Of course, the messages continue and reinforce
this process throughout our lives.
As the years pass and we grow into adulthood, we take on the
"appropriate roles" of student, employee, good friend,
girlfriend, wife, mother. There is nothing inherently wrong with
any of these roles as long as they are conscious choices we
make. Unfortunately, too often we take some of these roles on
because we think it is what we "should" do. When this happens,
over time, we move further and further away from who we truly
are. By the time we are fully entrenched in these roles, we have
all but forgotten our essential selves.
On the outside, it may seem like everything is okay. The
busyness of the duties of all the roles numbs us, and we don't
always feel the underlying nagging feeling that something is
wrong; there is something missing. But this feeling of
discontentment inevitably grows inside of us. We begin to wonder
why, when we have so much, we still feel so empty. Or, the
busyness of our lives gets us to the point where we feel
"stressed out". With all of the role fulfilling busyness, we get
even further away from our true selves. But whenever we get the
feeling there is something more, our "inner critic" kicks in and
reminds us of all we "should" be doing, and we don't have time
to take care of ourselves.
Here is the beauty. When you begin to take care of yourself and
get to know who you really are, you will have more energy to
fulfill all of the roles you choose to fill. You will begin to
make conscious choices that are centered around your deepest
priorities.
There are three strategies you can apply to your life to relieve
the stress and begin to reclaim your voice. I call them the
three R's: release, reconnect, and radical self care.
Release your inner critic. This is an important step on
the road to "finding yourself" as they say. You can learn
methods of releasing. In fact, I recommend an excellent book on
the subject, The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin.
Reconnect to your inner voice of wisdom. Basically you
just need to slow down enough to hear it. You can begin by just
taking 5 quiet minutes per day. You will want to increase that
as time goes on.
Begin practicing radical self care. This is an excellent
strategy, as long as we guard it from becoming another "should".
One way to start this is by blocking out just one hour in the
week for yourself to do something you consider fun. This can
also be increased over time.
As you apply these strategies you will begin to embrace your
true self and feel more fulfilled. You will notice a significant
reduction in your stress level and get more enjoyment out of
life.