Talking to Strangers
One day, when my son was ten years old, he asked me, "Mom, how
come you talk to just anyone so easily?" Until my son's
question, I hadn't thought of conversation as a topic. I wasn't
even aware that my talking to strangers was an issue. If
anything, I surmised, others started the conversation most of
the time.
Conversations with strangers begin with a question or an
off-hand comment, usually after eyeing each other or assessing
the other person's appearance. This happens, in general, when we
acknowledge each other as equals if we think we may be
interested in the same issue or in similar objects. Then, after
the first words are exchanged, we slow down and reflect on the
other person. If we are curious about them, more questions or
statements follow.
Sometimes ideas may clash. Yet, this is to be expected from any
human experience. As long as we feel united in some way, the
conversation will survive. We know these facts instinctively as
little children. Children will talk to anybody, until their
receptiveness is trained out of them by adults. This, however,
is understandable; children have to be safe.
So far, I addressed trivial conversations that may or may not
lead to meaningful ones. Truly meaningful conversations are not
restricted to friends and acquaintances. They may also occur
among strangers.
I found, right after 9/11 while our entire nation was wearing
flag pins, more people needed to talk to each other, strangers
though they might have been. Grief had unified us.
During chaotic times, we yearn to connect to others, because
whether we accept it or not, we are all united as human beings.
Wherever we stand on this earth, we have similar concerns, and
conversation is one way we can think together and exchange
opinions to survive.
On the political front, the stopping of negotiations between two
sides becomes the most worrisome thing for the entire world. We
must be brave enough to start and continue with conversations.
What is so strange is, we can't accept that we don't have to
agree on each point every time. Without doubt, that we can agree
upon will bring about an understanding if we keep talking and
finding out about the existence of issues in common, even
if--for the moment--they are unrelated to the topic at hand.
We also have to recognize that a conversation is not a debate or
an argument. Debates, altercations, and words that seek
upper-handedness divide people into rivaling sides. It is never
the differences among the nations that stop the conversation,
but their passing judgment on those differences.
Differences are stimulating. They kindle our curiosity and
propel us to gain knowledge about the world. They also lead us
to discover who we really are.
In a true conversation, all sides are equal. In a true
conversation, nobody needs to win but everybody needs to enjoy
and reflect upon the others' words, so people can experience
each other's reality in new or familiar ways.
For the same token, a conversation is an act of generosity among
people. It is giving a part of ourselves to others, and as human
affairs go, one act of generosity stirs another positive one.
The bottom line is: if we can think, we can talk. So, today,
tomorrow, or whenever you feel confident enough, strike up a
conversation with a stranger. The results may just make up your
day.