Handling the Trials of Courtship
When couples first meet they are infatuated with one another.
Everything seems blissful and destined for constant happiness.
Each partner in the relationship is unable to find fault in the
other. However, after a few spats many couples are prone to cut
and run. They do not have the patience to endure and work things
out. They are unable to exit the infatuation stage. They do not
realize that unconditional love germinates through successfully
overcoming adversity. True, lasting love often is achieved only
after time, pain, heartache, joy and after enduring many
challenges.
Most engagements face many challenges. The business side of
planning the wedding can consume each partner. Partners raise
their voices at one another. Little affection exists between
them. Each partner might tell each they love each other, but
their actions do not prove it. Engaged couples can get so caught
up in such things as the decorations for the reception and
finding a place to live that they forget to take a little time
out just for them to have the kind of fun they enjoyed together
while they were dating.
The following are eight essential ingredients for handling the
trials of courtship:
1. Do not raise your voice with one another. Any disagreement
can be negotiated in soft tones. Raising your voice often
incites more anger.
2. Constantly reassure one another. The flame of love can dim
without consistent assurance. If you are prompted to say
something nice about your potential spouse, do it immediately.
Sincere compliments can put to rest any lingering doubts your
possible companion may have.
3. Do more than just say you love each other. Serve one another.
Do little things that show your love like leaving phone messages
or writing each other cards for no reason. Make lunches for one
another. Do each others' laundry. It is amazing how serving can
alleviate your worries and help you love your future mate even
more.
4. Encourage one another in school work and other pursuits. You
should be your fiance's No. 1 cheerleader. Uphold each other in
one another's responsibilities such as school work, employment,
and family. This encouragement can help ease discouragement.
5. Listen attentively to one another's problems. A future spouse
should be the first person you turn to when you have a problem.
Listen to one another. Acknowledge that you are listening by
asking find out questions. Try to empathize, and if that is not
possible, sympathize with your potential spouse's trials.
Reassure them using experiences from your own life. Open and
honest communication is vital in dating and marriage
relationships.
6. Continue to go on dates during your engagement period. Just
because you have found "the one" does not mean you do not have
to take them out on the town anymore. Going out is an excellent
way to forget about other worries such as planning the wedding.
7. Never put off working through a disagreement. When you
disagree on something, do not avoid your potential spouse nor
give he or she the silent treatment. If a quarrel arises,
confront it then and there. Holding grudges can be devastating.
Do not let ill feelings toward your companion build up inside of
you. Never go to bed angry with one another.
8. Pray together. Each night before you say goodbye, no matter
where you are, kneel down and pray together. It reminds you of
the spiritual aspect of your relationship and keeps things in
better perspective. Ask God to support you and deliver you
through your trials.
Satan knows our potential and does not want us to realize it. He
will do all he can to thwart us in our righteous pursuits,
especially marriage. If there is one thing the adversary would
like to destroy, it is the family. One of the main ways Satan
will try to destroy a potentially good relationship is by
increasing the propensity to find fault in one another. One of
the main problems counselors observe is when one of the partners
in the marriage relationship thinks that if his or her spouse
would change one or two things, everything would be fine. This
notion is reminiscent of the beam and the moat analogy from
Christ's Sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 7:3-5.
Many husbands, wives, fiances, boyfriends and girlfriends feel
nothing is wrong with them and that the problem lies with the
other person in the relationship. This view is flawed. Partners
with this attitude must kick the pedestal from underneath them,
humble themselves, and realize that they have problems, too. To
find the right person you must be the right person and continue
to be the right person. Engaged and married couples cannot be
seperate people. They must focus on God and His commandments,
which will bring them closer together until they are one.