Tips For Parents: Avoiding Holiday Frenzy
>From Thanksgiving week til the end of Christmas vacation is
about 6 weeks. During this time period there will be more
demands on your time than whatever the "usual" demands are.
As the parent, YOU set the tone in your home. The more you can
support yourself to enjoy this time, the more your kids will
enjoy this time. Get clear on what's most important to you and
your kids and stay on course with that.
Know that your kids are excited, over-stimulated, and possibly
stressed by the holidays. They need more of your time, not less
of it, and they need you calm, grounded, and present for them.
Take care of yourself in order to be there for them. Keeping
your priorities straight is critical at this time.
Pace yourself! You cannot sustain a 90-mile-an-hour run for 6
weeks straight! Build in some breaks for yourself where you can
stop and acknowledge what you've done. Slow down for a bit
before you break a sweat again. Even elite athletes do interval
training.
Re-fill your tank!! You are putting in extra hours doing
"holiday work" over and above your usual workload. Build in some
time for YOU to replenish, re-nourish, and rejuvenate. Whatever
works for you - do it! Some ideas: do lunch with a friend, read
a trashy novel, go swimming, take a nap. Don't feel guilty! Even
your car can't run on empty.
Keep your expectations of yourself and your kids do-able. Really
do-able.
Also, for many people, holidays bring up deep sadness, regret,
and loss. Some people feel their own situations are inadequate
compared to the culture's images of what "should be." If
holidays are hard times for you, really really think about what
would support you and your kids to have a wonderful time
together this year. It doesn't have to look like anyone else's
holiday - let yourself do it the way it will work best for you
and your family.
More generally, not specific to holidays, how can you find time
for yourself when there is none?
1. Know that it is not about being selfish. It is about
re-filling your tank. Even your car cannot run on empty.
2. Know that by the time you REALIZE your tank is empty, it is
too late - you are already stranded on the side of the road. The
task is to refuel yourself before you are totally depleted -
when you just fatigued - and this takes practice. Allow yourself
to practice and get good at it. It's that important.
3. Know that you are your kids' most important resource. It is a
key responsibility of yours to keep that resource in good shape
- it's your fiduciary responsibility!
4. Figure out which of the 9000 things on your "to do" list you
can let go of. SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE. Get some help with this if
you are stuck.
5. Figure out how to let them go. You may need to renegotiate
with yourself or other people. Get some help with this too if
you need it.
Some ideas:
a. Renegotiate due dates: "I know I said I would have it done by
the 10th but I now see I have over-committed and I cannot
deliver it by the 10th. What else could work?"
b. Cut a deal with yourself: "I will do a blitz on Saturday
afternoon, whipping through items 420 through 428 on my list,
and Saturday night I will get a sitter and go to a movie!"
6. Start "under-promising"! This is a survival skill for
parents. You can always over-deliver. But "under-promising"
gives you breathing room.
May your holiday season be an oasis for you and your family.
If you're considering hiring a coach to help you with challenges
like these, contact me at sharon@stcoach.com for an initial
consultation at no charge.
Copyright 2003 Sharon Teitelbaum. All rights reserved.