Why Humans Make Lousy Lovers
How can I, love, and you, three of the most misunderstood words
in human language, be linked together to form our most sublime
sentence? Like a Linus blanket we refuse to relinquish, this
seemingly simple phrase comforts us from cradle to grave. Since
long before grunts gave way to words, its message has been
expressed by mothers to infants, children to their best friends,
people to their pets, lovers to each other, and, most notably,
by those facing death to their God.
This celebrated sentence is like a teeter-totter: I on one end,
you on the other, and love, the magnificent fulcrum that
connects the two in a dance of infinite possibilities, in the
middle. But who am I? And who are you, really? And, as Cole
Porter asked way back in 1929, "What is this thing called love?"
Perhaps these questions are the true riddles of the ages.
Perhaps the one who succeeds in plumbing the depths of these
three terms will be at last reunited with the Oneness of
creation.
I, for one, am presently no closer to unraveling this conundrum
than when I first breached the womb. But the flood of warmth
that moves through me each time I express my love for you
reflects the absolute joy of this journey of discovery. The
deeper I explore the mystery of my own existence, the more I
discover the divine in you. I now know with absolute certainty
that in the fullness of time love will consume me, and any last
shred of my personal I will dissolve in love's brilliance as the
you and I merge.
Sex--expressed or sublimated--is the stage on which we humans,
like all other sentient beings, enact this cosmic passion play.
Sex is like a Stradivarius violin, a perfect instrument with
ranges of expression that exceed what our senses can contain. In
the hands of an unconscious musician, clumsy, probing fingers
can only evoke gross groans and squeaks, violating our
sensibilities and profaning the instrument's perfection.
So we now have a fourth word to add to our ill-defined stew. "I
love you, let's have sex." Unfortunately, humanity has so
confused sex with love that the two have become inextricably
intertwined. If we drove our cars the way we make love, we would
solve the world's overpopulation problem in the beep of a horn.
Ironically, our civilized societies demand more training and
supervision for getting behind the wheel of a car than getting
it off in the back seat.
Getting it off (or on) ... what a delightful euphemism for
making love that is! You see, it doesn't matter whether you bone
or bonk, do the deed or the horizontal tango, make bacon or
babies, pork, romp, screw, or express your deepest essence in a
sublime act of total surrender--the supremely flexible
Stradivarius of sex accommodates them all. Every possible
expression of sexuality, from tantric ascension into heavenly
bliss to child molestation and ritual killings, is part of its
vast repertoire.
If you're bent on making sense of it all, then fasten your seat
belt. Here's where the road makes a sudden, steep, and slippery
descent. To understand the full range of sexual expression we
need to know quite a bit more about the players than their
pronouns. And this calls for examining the illusion we
charmingly refer to as reality and the (mis)perception of who we
(you and I) truly are.
>From the human ego's earthly perspective, we are biochemical
entities that depend on a fragile solar and planetary ecosystem
for our sustenance and survival. We are a tangled complex of
emotions, intelligence, physicality, and--if we can move beyond
our primary instincts--spirituality. Each of us, moreover, is
distinct and separate from everyone and everything else.
A cosmological perspective reveals something entirely different.
Each aspect of the creation, whether sentient or (seemingly)
inert, is part of what the Buddhists call Indra's Net--an
infinite, interconnected cosmic hologram through which the All
That Is records its experiences. In other words, you and I are
each an aspect of God perceiving itself as human.
These two views, the egoistic and the cosmological, fix the
extremes of a continuum of being that ranges from the
constricted human-I at the bottom through the level of the
soul-I to merge with the Oneness of the God-I at the top. How
you perceive reality shifts with every incremental step you take
along this continuum. If you keep seeing (and believing) the
same thing from day to day, it's a sure sign that you're stuck.
Something very similar to this perception gradient exists in the
human body. There is a network of energy vortexes, called
chakras (a Sanskrit word for wheel or disk), that relate to
various colors, emotions, organs, and other aspects of human
behavior. Although there are many chakra points throughout the
body, the seven main ones are positioned along a vertical line
that extends from the root chakra at the base of the spine to
the crown chakra positioned just above the top of the head.
These chakras perform two significant functions other than the
ones usually ascribed to them. First, they are the points
through which every being is subtly connected to and
communicates with the cosmic hologram. The information you
receive through them comes as sudden flashes of inspiration or
intuitive realization. They are your wireless links to the
infinite network of creation. Moreover, both inspirational and
sensory input move through the chakra system from root to crown.
A blockage at any one chakra along the way obstructs the
information from reaching a higher energy center.
Second, the chakras are the repositories for all your basic
belief systems. All primary thought patterns concerning one's
life are imprinted, by category, in a particular chakra. For
example, all issues concerning personal survival, such as
safety, food, shelter, and financial security, are stored in the
first (root) chakra. Beliefs concerning family, superstitions,
and group judgments including religious convictions, are held
here too. Blockages in the first chakra cause sex to be treated
primarily as a function of procreation, as typically seen in
underdeveloped or third-world countries or by followers of
certain patriarchal religions. Extreme distortions in this
chakra can result in satanic ritual sacrifice, child
molestation, and a host of other perverted behaviors born of
fear-based superstition often masked by the zeal of distorted
religious dogma.
The second chakra (located just below the navel) stores all the
decisions regarding one's personal and emotional identity. It
holds imprints arising from traumatic sexual experiences, as
well as patterns of blame, guilt, power, and morality. Blockages
here can trigger sexual behavior that involve emotional or
physical pain and violent, non-consensual sex.
The third chakra (positioned in the solar plexus) is the seat of
the ego and the upper home of the human aspect of our infinite
being. Restrictions in this chakra lead to low self-esteem, fear
of rejection, oversensitivity to criticism, and a deep-seated
fear of having one=s secrets exposed. When this chakra is
blocked, sex becomes codependent: the partners act out the
parent-child bonding patterns that define their relationship.
These first three chakras delimit the human portion of the
infinite continuum. While sex experienced through the lower
energy centers may result in moments of great release or
pleasure--for at least one participant--there is little or no
sacred energy transfer between the partners. Significant
energetic transfers cannot occur until both participants have
done sufficient work to balance (or neutralize) the blockages in
the first three chakras. This is accomplished through various
disciplines that focus one's attention on behavior patterns in
order to gradually bring them under conscious, rather than
impulsive, control. Having done this work, they are able to
transcend their base human nature and move into the fourth
chakra located in the heart. It is here that union is expressed
as unconditional (as opposed to codependent) love, and love
enters the first realms of the divine.
It is beyond the scope of this article to delve into the sexual
fireworks that await you when you finally penetrate the
mysteries of the three higher energy centers--the throat, third
eye, and crown--that open the doorway to infinite intelligence.
Expressing unconditional love and unobstructed communication
through these higher chakras propels you (and your partner) into
kaleidoscopic crescendos that transcend the human domain.
Suffice it to say that once you experience the perfection of
great, vintage champagne, you'll never again settle for
screw-top fermented grape juice out of a brown paper bag.