4 steps to transforming your negative self-talk into an inner
coach.
Copyright 2006 Emmanuel Segui
Your thoughts have a powerful effect on you. They affect your
attitude, your physiology, and your motivation to act. Your
negative thoughts actually control your behavior. They can make
you stutter, spill things, forget your lines or breathe
shallowly.
Research indicates that the average person talks to himself or
herself about 50,000 times a day. According to psychological
researchers, it is 80% negative; things such as I shouldn't have
said that .... They don't like me... I don't like the way my
hair looks today... I can't dance... I'll never be a good
skater..., I'm not a speaker... I'll never lose this weight... I
can't ever seem to get organized... I'm always late.
We also know from lie-detector tests that your body reacts to
your thoughts. These physiological changes, such as heart rate
and breathing rate, occur when you're lying but also in reaction
to every thought you think. Every cell in your body is affected
by every thought you have.
Negative thoughts affects your body negatively, weakening you.
Positive thoughts affect your body in a positive way, making you
more relaxed, centered and alert. It is your job to control and
master your thoughts. You are 100% responsible.
But there is a core principle you need to understand about self-
criticism and self-judgment: It is always motivated by love and
has always some positive intention or positive goal attached to
it. Now, this positive intention doesn't show immediately. It
needs some reflection at first. But with some practice, like
everything else, it comes within seconds and here comes the
change.
Here are four steps you will need to take to master your
thoughts and to transform your inner critic into an inner coach.
1. It's Time to Step Back The first step of any strategy to
change your emotions or personal history is to step back and
reflect on what is going on inside of you. It is as if you were
stepping back from your thinking and were looking at it. By
doing this you go to a higher psychological level where change
can take place. As Albert Einstein said,"The significant
problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking
that created them."
2. Look for the positive intention. One of the most magnificent
beauties of the human mind is self- reflexivity. This means that
you not only think about an event, but you think about what you
just thought about that specific event. It's like layers of
thoughts that are formed at the back of your mind in a fraction
of a second. Now, you can peel away the layers and discover the
positive intention of that negative thought by asking yourself
the following question: "What is the good or the positive
intention of that part of me that just thought ..." or "What
does that part of me that just thought... wants that is good for
me". Were you able to find it?
3. Feel how your emotions are changing. When you find that
positive intention, you discover a whole new part of you. The
part that wants you to be better, to feel better and to be
everything you're capable of. That way, your self-esteem
increases, you have more confidence in yourself, you trust
yourself more and you achieve more.
4. Thank yourself for caring about you. Now, you're going to
play the appreciation game and that is to thank yourself for the
beautiful human being you are. Because you understand your
unique value, your importance in the world, you can more quickly
and more easily go for your dreams and live a more prosperous
life.
Negative thoughts happen to everybody. The difference between a
successful person and another is just that he or she has learned
how to master his thoughts and emotions. With these four little
but powerful steps, you can beat your negative thoughts and
therefore your negative emotions. You will radiate more energy
to accomplish your goals and you will function more efficiently.