So many 20 and 30 somethings are getting married and then within in a few short years getting divorced, these marriages have come to be called "starter marriages."

It frustrates me when someone finds a creative label for a painful phenomenon, as if a clever name takes care of it.

How to create a successful relationship

How to create a successful relationship is a crucial skill we need to learn but one rarely taught in school.

So the question becomes what do we do before we get married in order to have a successful marriage?

3 crucial factors

1. Choose well

Be aware of your own relationship radar - how you go about becoming attracted to certain people. If this radar is faulty, you are likely to become attracted to someone who may not be good for you.

In order to choose well, you may have to learn how to choose differently.

2. Pre-marital counseling

This is a great way to identify and work out some bugs early on. Whether you see a minister, a therapist, or a relationship coach, you can discover areas that might be challenging for your relationship and learn skills and techniques for handling the challenges.

Believing problems areas will automatically get better after marriage is a cruel myth. Without learning methods for managing differences, problems are almost guaranteed to get worse, not better.

3. Have a teachable spirit

This is without a doubt the most important skill.

Many people enter into marriage thinking they know how to do it right. I know I sure thought that way. I even had a license and degree on my wall that said I was a marriage and family expert.

Columnist Sydney J. Harris said:

"almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage."

Read books, go to seminars, visit websites, receive newsletters, get good coaching when and before you need it.

You also need to learn from each other.

Teach each other how to be each other's own unique partner.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.