Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after. Anne Morrow Lindbergh, 'Gift from the Sea'

The word communicate comes from the latin communis or common. We speak of a common room that everyone shares or a university commons where everyone shares the space. It indicates that two people or two groups have something shared in common but in our world today I maintain that there is nothing common about communication. Many of the world's problems and disputes can be traced to poor communication.

The dictionary defines communication as the transmission of information, thought or feeling so that it is satisfactorily received or understood. As a working definition we'll consider that communication has been successful if there is shared understanding between those trying to communicate.

So what is the result of shared understanding? What are the implications of a lack of shared understanding? Does shared understanding guarantee acceptance, openness and trust between people and groups?

I maintain that while good communication doesn't guarantee our lives will be enhanced, poor communication will make bad situations worse and make it difficult to have and maintain open, useful relationships in life.

The outcome, then, of successful communication should be to increase understanding and thereby improve relationships - and who doesn't need improved relationships?

Families, co-workers, governments all need better communication. So let's examine what happens when we communicate, where the problems lie, and what we can each do to improve our communication skills.

I. The pieces of the communication process

Communication is a two-way street, and people tend to structure their phrases along well-traveled linguistic routes to optimize thier chances of being understood. --Christopher Manning, Stanford University

Communication is a process; that is, it has definable steps that can be examined. We will look at communicating as a cycle going round and round unendingly. Remember, however, that examining the communication process is like putting your VCR on pause; you look at a frozen snapshot of a dynamic, unending process. It's often been said that one cannot not communicate unless you're dead or unconscious; communication takes place - for bad or for good - when we're trying and when we're not.

A. Sender

The sender has something he wants to share with someone else. In our simplified model, the sender is the person communicating. Unfortunately the sender's information is in his mind. While much work has been done on trying to prove ESP, for most of us we've got to get the information we want to share out of our mind and into the other person's mind by other means.

B. Receiver

The receiver is just that - the other person or persons that the sender is trying to communicate with. What we'll find is that the receiver has some obstacles in the way that will affect whether shared understanding is achieved or not. While the sender has the responsibility to craft a clear message, the receiver has additional responsibilities of hearing, listening, and providing feedback.

C. A message

The message is not just some words. The message is a rich combination of thoughts, feelings, words, and meanings. Even a sender that says, "it's simple", doesn't realize the blended nature of the message they want to convey. Many communication problems stem from the idea that communication is simple.

D. Some ways of generating a signal

Speak clearly, if you speak at all; carve every word before you let it fall. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. (1809 - 1894)

The signal we are speaking of is how we encode the message in our heads and broadcast it to the receiver. We'll find that this includes more than the sounds of words; it can include feelings, attitudes, and our unique personality. If you think about this, all communication is indirect in that we use the tools of language and nonverbal communication to attempt to share what we are experiencing inside ourselves.

E. A brain I would while away the hours, Conversin' with the flowers . . . If I only had a brain. -- The Scarecrow in the Wizard of OZ

Our brains are rich, complicated places. All communication is filtered through our personality, our background, our upbringing, our culture, and our current state of being. When you are tired or stressed or in circumstances that are unpleasant, communication becomes that much harder.

F. Shared understanding

Speak properly, and in as few words as you can, but always plainly; for the end of speech is not ostentation but to be understood. William Penn

We return to our definition. The degree to which someone understands what we are trying to communicate will depend on many factors. How much alike are we? Do we share any background experiences? Are our language skills, attitudes, beliefs similar or dissimilar? What assumptions have we made about each other based on stereotypes?

It's probably fair to say that the degree of understanding could be rated on a scale from very well understood to completely misunderstood. And anyone who says "I understand perfectly" is probably deceiving themselves.

G. Feedback

Feedback in our model are the reactions of the receiver that are being communicated back to the sender. Feedback causes the sender to modify his message to increase the chances of its being understood by the receiver. Each of us has experienced the feeling "they don't have a clue about what I'm trying to say". How did we reach this conclusion? By interpreting the feedback the receiver is generating. This feedback can be verbal or nonverbal.

H. Communication blocked by noise

The factor of "noise" may occur anywhere along the communication line, and it may be physical, physiological, or psychological in nature. William Brooks "Speech Communication"

When using radio to communicate, the static sometimes is so strong that the message is lost. Communication theorists call this kind of interruption during communication "noise". For our purposes noise is any part of the communication process that diminishes shared understanding. Noise can be found in any part of our model. The sender can have poor communication skills. The receiver may be unable to receive the message for a variety of reasons. The channels they use to communicate may be inappropriate for the situation. Feedback may be misinterpreted or ignored.

As we continue we will examine noise factors that decrease shared understanding and ways of eliminating or reducing the noise so that communication has a better chance.

II. Temperament and Communication

Temperament comes from the Latin tem perave, which means to mix. It relates to the fact that we are each a unique mixture of personality traits - background, intelligence, feelings, education, culture and on and on. It seems obvious but your temperament impacts your communication style.

A. What is temperament?

Temperament can also be called personality type and incorporates self-image or self-esteem. We'll talk more about self-image later but now we'll focus on our "natural" temperament or personality that we inherit along with our eye color and body type. The ancients thought that temperament was caused by the mixture of certain bodily fluids called humours.

B. The four types

Why four? Why not 104? Over the centuries, through observation and study, it has been determined that each of us is a blend of four distinct personality types - and more specifically we are usually a blend of two of the four types. Who wrote this rule? How do we know it's true? Again the evidence is mostly empirical or by experience though the underlying concepts come from the work of Carl Jung.

For our purposes, we'll use the ancient Greek nomenclature for temperament types - Choleric, Phlegmatic, Sanguine, and Melancholy. These are certainly only one way of discussing the four - other models use the names of animals, the acronym DiSC, and the most famous - the Meyers-Briggs naming system.

Temperament strongly affects communication style. But so does our cultural background, so does our educational experience. The point is that temperament is only one part of our communication style.

The choleric type is sometimes called the Driver. A choleric person is goal-oriented, no-nonsense, hard-nosed person. They are extraverted, strong willed persons. You can spot a choleric by their impatient, action-oriented style.

As regards communicating, the choleric gets straight to the point and is not much concerned with the feelings of others. They say what they mean and it can often be pointed and critical.

The sanguine temperament is an outgoing, warm, people person. They are talkers and are concerned with the feelings of others. They are best when meeting and greeting others. They are extraverted, warm, and enthusiastic.

The sanguine is loath to hurt others' feelings and will avoid conflict at almost any price. Their communication style is outgoing and talkative. They will often touch the person they are talking to.

The melancholy is highly organized, detailed, and critical. You can spot a melancholy by their organized desktop or workspace. They are introverted and often moody. They dislike their anyone moving their "stuff".

As a communicator, the melancholy will be precise, detailed and critical. They often feel they are "right" because they have taken the time to carefully analyze whatever subject they are talking about.

The phlegmatic is the quietest of the four types. While generally calm on the surface they are the most likely to be anxious internally when communicating.

Again I want to emphasize that no one is purely one temperament type. Another presentation I do on understanding temperament goes into much more detail on the 16 combinations of personality traits.

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Carl Jung (1857-1961)

In a nutshell, personality affects communication because each style has a different primary way of communicating. Cholerics want "just the facts, ma