On Giving and Receiving
What do singers and athletes have in common? Both need breath to
fuel their performance. One technique they share for maximizing
their oxygen intake is to exhale fully! When you exhale fully,
you make room for new air to come in. You also create a vacuum
that pulls oxygen in.
What does inhaling and exhaling have to do with giving and
receiving? Both are cycles that establish their own equilibrium.
Once you exhale fully, you can't exhale any more. There's
nothing left. Before you can exhale again, you need to breathe
IN so you have something to breathe OUT. Sounds pretty
straightforward, doesn't it?
The same principle applies to the cycle of giving and receiving.
If you are giving more than you are receiving, at some point you
will not have anything left to give. If you are receiving more
than you are giving, at some point there will be no "space" for
you to receive anything else.
Have you fallen out of synch with the cycle of giving and
receiving? If so, it means that something is out of balance.
Either you are not giving enough or you are not receiving
enough. Or both. To get things flowing and moving again, you
will need to take some action. Here are some ideas that may help
you get into action.
If you're not RECEIVING enough, you need to expand your
receptivity. It's not about getting others to give you more. The
shift comes when you open yourself up to receive more of what is
already being given to you. You are missing out on much that is
already coming your way!
Here are some things you can do:
1. When someone says something nice to you, ranging from "Great
shoes!" to "You are such a blessing in my life," say "Thank
you." Do not deflect what they have said - LET IT IN! Open up
your hungry heart and receive this person's appreciation for
you.
2. When someone invites you to something, allow yourself to feel
included and wanted. Don't look for explanations or
complications. Take it at face value.
3. Embrace offers of assistance. When someone asks you what they
can do to help you out, don't turn them down. Think of all the
ways they might assist you and pick one; then let them help you.
Many people refuse help unless they are just about desperate;
they fear that if they take help when they don't ABSOLUTELY need
it, when they DO need it, it won't be there. But that's not the
way the dynamic works. When you consistently refuse help, you
stop the flow.
4. Ask for help when you need it. If you need to choose
wallpaper and you get overwhelmed in wallpaper stores, call a
friend who 'speaks' color and design and ask her to go with you.
If you're losing sleep worrying about your 16-year-old son, call
a friend with older kids and ask if you can talk through some of
your concerns - or get yourself to a therapist.
5. Remember that as hard as it is for YOU to know what you need,
it's that much harder for the people who love you. Help them
out. Let them know.
6. You can receive from yourself too! If you're craving some
pampering, give it to yourself! If you're lusting to go skiing,
get yourself to a ski weekend! Just do it.
7. When you come across something beautiful, such as a sunset,
allow its beauty into your thirsty soul. If you witness
something that touches, moves, or inspires you, open up your
heart fully to receive the experience. Don't 'harrumph' it away
or rationalize it into dust. Feel it. Your heart needs it. (And
to quote Stuart Smalley, the great Saturday Night Live
character, "And that's OK.")
8. When you receive a gift, receive the whole gift. Know that
the object in your hands is just the last detail in a much
longer process. The giver chose to give you something and chose
the occasion for giving it. She put thought and energy into
figuring out what to get for you. She spent time and money to
get it for you and get it TO you. When you receive his gift,
open your heart and receive ALL of this: you were very much in
her mind and heart throughout the process. Did you know that? Or
did you just look at the gift and think, "Oh, I don't need this
sweater"? You may not need the sweater. But you do need the gift
behind the gift. Let it in.
If you're not GIVING enough, here are some things you can do:
1. Tell the people in your life what you appreciate about them,
the things you admire, respect, enjoy, envy, and are awed by. I
know someone who writes a letter to each of her close friends on
Valentine's Day and tells them how they enrich her life. You can
do something major, like this person does, or you can simply let
people know casually, within your daily conversations. You can
say, "I so appreciate your sense of humor" or "I admire your
commitment to working this through" or "It's so nice to be with
you now." Be generous; it will feel great.
2. When you go to someone else's home, do what Depak Chopra
suggests in the "Seven Spiritual Laws of Success." Bring
them something - a flower, a prayer, or note of appreciation.
3. Introduce people who could benefit from knowing each other
socially or professionally. You may feel awkward the first few
times you do this, but it is a completely learnable skill and a
wonderful way to be of service to the people in your life.
4. Invite people to your home; give the gift of an event that
brings people together.
5. Send people loving thoughts. If you pray or meditate, you can
focus some energy on them.
6. Give away stuff you don't use any more: books to your
library, clothes and accessories (and that waffle maker you
never use) to Big Brother Big Sister or some other re-use
organization, special things to friends, stale bread to the
birds, and so on.
When you are flowing with the cycle of giving and receiving, it
may feel as natural and automatic as breathing. But when you
perceive a block in the flow - such as when you can't get enough
"breath" to do what you want to do - take a closer look. You may
need to increase your receiving or your giving.
If you're considering hiring a coach to help you with challenges
like these, contact me at sharon@stcoach.com for an initial
consultation at no charge.
Copyright 2003, Sharon Teitelbaum. All rights reserved.