The Worst Article Ever Written
Hi. My name is Karen. I'm writing this article to imrove my
serp. What's a serp? I mean my seo guy Dave told ,e to write an
article. He said that then all these zines and websites would
grab it then I'd have lots of lnks for my site then when people
looked for my site then they'd find it. So I said, "What kind of
cologne are you wearing?" so he says, "Obsession by Calvin
klein." I'm like, "He's Jewish right?" He's like, "I can't be
sure." So I'm like, "Is that a bowling ball in your turban with
a stick of dynamite coming out of the finger hole or are you
just happy to see me?" so hes like, well, my doctor told me to
take these pills for my impotence and now I'm blind. I'm like,
is that a cane in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
He's like, "Maybe you should hire someone to write your articles
for you. I'm like, "Are you insulting me or are you just happy
to see me? He's like, "Well do you want to do it? I'm like sure
now here on the couch or in the refrigerator. He's like, "Well I
wouldn't mind joining the minus 32 celsius club but I'm not sure
if these pills work in the cold weather.
So now we're in the vegetable drawer of my fridge and we're like
doing it. He's like maybe we should have come in the back door.
I'm like I'm not really into that. So I say what do you think I
should write about. He's like well you have to be sure not to
spam your keywords or stuff them because they just removed bmw
from the searches for cheating. So I'm like well isn't writing
articles when you have no other reason to write them but to
improve your search resultes cheating? And he's like "do you
have any canola oil?" I'm like what do you need canola oil for?
He;'s like well I hear it improves your anking. So I say yeah
but I need to get out of the vegetable drawer for a second could
you take it out pleae. He''s like "no problem".
So I hire tim to write my article for me. I own a small flower
shop on the lower east side. Tim writes this fabulous article
about a man eating plant and my page ranking goes up to 9 and
like I've got 8,000 women a day running into my shop wanting to
buy this man eating plant to get rid of their husbands. They
took out these huge insurance policies on their husbands who
made them sign these prenups and now they will pay anything for
these plants. So I say you have to feed them corned beef every
Friday at 7.30. they say am or pm? I'm like completely pmsed out
by this time and my midol jusr an out and I have to run next
door to the health food store to buy some red raspberry leaf
capsules for the cramps. So I say to Stella my assistant,
"Stella could you watch the store for a minute." So she's like
sure Karen but then later I find out that Stella and Dave and
Tim were all in a conspiracy against me and then they shot me
and now I'm dead. I really enjoyed my funeral though. I found
out that you really don't die you just hang around for awhile
and speak to psychics.