Suicidal Impact
I arrived at work that night as always: rushed, tired,
frustrated, like most of us seem to be these days. I took it for
granted that it would be just another night at work; that
nothing would change, that everyone and everything, was fine.
But I quickly learned everything wasn't fine.
When I got to work, I was told some shocking news. But even more
shocking to me, no... appalling to me, was the fact that given
what had happened, no one seemed affected in the least by it.
Sure, life goes on. We all know that. People were laughing and
joking; people were carrying on as if they had not a care in the
world, as if nothing had happened. I don't fault them for that,
not at all. I'm all for the fun side of life. It helps greatly
to take away the pressures we constantly face. But surely they
would have felt sadness, even for a brief moment? Maybe they
would have had an even passing reflection upon their own lives?
No, it seemed not. Why is that? And why did what I learned
affect me so tremendously?
Sure, I was at work; I had a job to do, and life was going on,
but my attitude was rather subdued. I had a lot on my mind, and
I found myself getting annoyed every time I was needed, because
my thoughts, I felt, were being intruded upon. I had to take
some time to come to terms with what happened.
It further annoyed me for some reason that no one else felt as I
did. I wondered why.
But then I thought, why should that bother me? Surely no one
else thinks about what may or may not be going through my head.
Seldom does anyone ask me what I'm thinking. I kind of like it
that way. But then again, therein lies an ugly truth about the
human race.
Seldom does anyone ask what is going on in someone else's head.
We're so preoccupied with our own lives that we rarely have time
for anyone else. And that makes us appear as if we are cold, and
unfeeling, and uncaring. Granted, some persons are that way, and
there will always be some people like that. But the people I
work with have feelings. They laugh, they grumble, they raise
their voices at times; in short, they are capable of feeling
something. But not empathy?
Not empathy for the life of a man that was cut short, albeit, of
his own hand, but who is gone, nonetheless, because no one took
the time to show him they cared enough about him to reach out to
him.
I'm not immune to my own words. I'm not leaving myself out of
the equation. I could make excuses for myself, sure, such as, I
didn't know him well enough, which is bull because I've reached
out to total strangers before, as have many people I know.
Maybe I felt he was unapproachable.
Or maybe he hid it so well that we might have one day gone to
him for help, because he looked strong; he looked as if he had
the world by its reins.
Whatever... Who knows. But it's a hard lesson learned, yet
again. For me, and maybe for someone else. It can happen to
anyone.
This man was one of the last people I'd ever dreamed that would
take his own life. It's so easy to take life for granted. It's
so easy to let your problems go unheeded; to allow them to
continue to simmer on a backburner in a corner of your mind
while the rest of your being comes to a slow boil, thus ending
in the inevitable explosion. And that explosion can come in any
form.
Why do we let it go to that extreme? Why don't we, as
individuals, deal with what we have as we get it? My God, it
would greatly reduce and/or eliminate so much stress, so much
sadness, hurt, anger, rage and everything that comes with those
emotions.
When we reach our limits, our boiling point, so to speak,
there's no telling what the outcome will be. We don't even know
till the deed is done, and most times, it's too late for help.
We have destroyed ourselves, and countless others. In reaching
out to ourselves, we can also reach out to others who might need
our help.
It's not selfish to take care of you first; we all have that
right, and yes, the responsibility. The responsibility of self.
In doing that, only then can we reach out to others. What is
selfish is to continue to let your problems and worries go
unheeded only to finally answer that call with a result that
goes way beyond desirable. All that can result from reaching
that boiling point is more pain for others.
But we can reverse this trend.
Simply put, take care of yourself. You're the only one of you
that you have. The only one of you that anyone has.
We all need to learn to take care of ourselves and each other.
Somewhere along the line, a lot of our humanity has been lost.
It's time to get it back. And we can.
Everything takes work. Including working on ourselves. The
results can only be positive.
Not only for us, but for those who care about us.
*IN MEMORY OF GASTEN HOWELL* JULY 25 1940-MARCH 28 2001