Breaking Down the Walls We've Built

Everyone has the ability to help in different ways. Every different person brings their own unique way of helping into a relationship, no matter what that relationship is. Every little bit of help matters, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem to you. When you are born, and you are not held by your parents... you get the message you're not worth their time, and you learn to not cry as much. When you are a child and you always feel as though you are "in the way," you get the message that what your parents are doing is more important than you are. When you are older, before your teens, in your teens, and you have seldom been told you are loved, and when you're seldom hugged, you get the message you aren't cared for, and in return, you learn not to care. By the time you are an adult, it's ingrained into you that if your parents didn't care enough about you, no one else will either, because parents are supposed to care about us the most. When they don't care, and they don't show they care, that sends a message to a child that since they weren't even worth their parents time, they are worthless. I lived that life for sixteen years. From the day I was born until the day I left my adopted "mother's" house at sixteen, it was that way. I was seldom hugged, I can count on both hands the number of times I heard someone say "I love you" to me, and I never had anyone set aside time -just for me- and just because they wanted to be with me and cared enough about me to show it. When you are exposed to that life for so long, you learn it, believe it, and then you live it. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to function properly as an adult in relationships and many other aspects of your life. Eventually, it shapes who you are and it can be a long, hard process to reverse your way of thinking because you actually believe what was told to you and shown to you for so long. You look at the world in a negative way and it can be extremely difficult to view the world in a more positive light. You learn not to trust anyone, including yourself. Thus, depression, feelings of wanting to end it all, drug and alcohol use, and feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness run rampant. You want to escape the world, your world, so you drink, self medicate, sleep a lot, or you may even become promiscuous in your attempt to gain love and acceptance. But you soon find out that doesn't work, and things continue to get worse... You can become very angry, or very withdrawn. You may run away from people attempting to reach you, for any number of reasons, the most prevalent being that you are reluctant to open your heart only to be hurt again. You may avoid groups, or even a one on one conversation. Eye contact is very difficult for you. People who don't understand you, or who don't understand why you do what you do could dub you "shy", or worse. They just don't know any better, because they either haven't "been there" or they have failed to educate themselves. You could self harm, or harm someone else in an attempt to punish someone, anyone for what they did to you, or what you believe you've done to yourself, because all too often, we're made to believe that everything is our fault. We're told we're not smart enough, we're not cute enough, we're not ambitious enough, we're overweight, and the list goes on and on... When someone says something bad about you, while you may take it personally, they're actually talking about themselves and their own shortcomings. The faults others find in you are really a reflection of all that is wrong in their own life; all they don't like in their life, but that they're still unwilling to admit to and to change. That's harmful for you because you still believe the negative things they pour on you, and you believe that you really are a worthless person. You let others have control over you, and how you think. As a child, it's hard to counteract that. As an adult, though, we have to learn to regain control of our lives. We have that power, and only we have the power to change things within our own selves. Eventually, you build up walls, letting no one else in to hurt you anymore. The barriers eventually become too high for you to climb out of and you become a virtual prisoner in your own jail with no key. This is when it's imperative that you ask for help. It's a must that you admit to yourself that you need help, and you must be prepared and willing to take that all important first step. Accepting you need help is difficult, but it must be done if you are to change your life. You must admit to yourself that you have faults, and that you are a good person too. It's absolutely paramount that you be completely honest with yourself or changing your life will never work. You've got to break down the walls to escape and reclaim your life.... Help comes in a plethora of ways: You can talk with a counselor, though it may take several tries before you find the right one, and it may take several meetings until you feel comfortable enough to share your life. You can talk with friends who have been there, or know someone who has been there. You can find support groups; there are many out there. Simply do a search on the internet for a specific cause, or look in the phone book. Ask a teacher, a friend, a neighbor even, anyone whom you trust can point you in the right direction. You can try a spiritual journey if that's your wish. You can read books, articles, magazines on subjects such as child abuse, domestic violence, depression, behavior. Many symptoms of different issues manifest themselves in many ways, and sometimes, those symptoms are mistaken for nothing more than what someone else wants them to be... just so they won't have to become involved. Acknowledgment of your feelings is a key factor in deciding whether someone can be helpful for you; remember that, when someone asks what you would like from their offer to help. Then see if they listen and acknowledge you without "blowing you off". Remember, you come first in your life. You cannot be responsible for how anyone else feels, thinks or acts, nor can they for you. Each of us is responsible for ourselves, and that includes everything from liking and loving ourselves to taking care of ourselves. Unless you are willing to help yourself, you can expect to never get help from someone else, either. After all, if you aren't worth your time, why should you expect you to be worth anyone else's time? There are people, groups, and organizations for those who choose to help themselves. If you are reading this, and this describes you, or part of you, it is my wish that you finally realize that you really do matter, and that you get out there and get some help. There's nothing to be ashamed of unless you choose to live the life of woe-is-me and continue to expect others to rescue you. They can't and they won't if you won't help yourself to a better life. And that would be a shame because you'll live a life of what-if's and shoud-have's. Get out there! Claim your life back! It's yours, and yours alone, and what you choose to do with it is completely up to you! Get out there and live the life you wish! Only you can make it happen. So... what are you reading this for still? Are you interested in a series dealing with articles of this nature? Let me know please if this was helpful for you and I'll churn out more!