If life is a journey, then I forgot where I was going!

Physical life is a wonderful buffet of experiences. Life is an experience, and it is what we do here. We are not here to learn anything but to experience our thoughts in the physical world.

To be truthfully honest I have not made the connection as yet. I have not realized my full potential and I am not in total harmony with what it is that my spirit desires to experience. I think it is like going to Disneyland. There is so much there that you want to take it all in at once, you can't imagine where to begin and if you are not in the moment you may think about what you will miss.

I have not learned to slow down and take it all in and I am like the child that is overwhelmed by it all that just can't make up its mind and in frustration throws himself down on the ground and cries endlessly. If I can't have it all, I don't want anything and I am asking why I am here, why did I bother?

I am easy to please and particular at the same time. I can find a certain amount of acceptance in anything that I do, but it's just doing. It is motion without life, it is being there and not being there, it doesn't really matter one way or the other.

Life is such a wonderful opportunity to experience all my wildest thoughts and turn them into reality. I know how it's done and I know that I have the power to create it all, still it doesn't matter. It truly is a fantasy land, a holodeck that I am in control off. I have not seen all the wonders of the world and the ones that I haven't, I have accepted as a matter of fact.

The greatest wonderment of all for me is the people, the diversification of humanity and I am awed by it. I can see the parts as they form the whole mind. Each person contributes to the thoughts of the creator in real time. Yet I am not in contact with humanity and my life has been a solitary one even for the two times I was married and all the people I have met in my different businesses. There are very few times that I am lonely and I am most always alone in the crowd.

The life that I have chosen to live has been successful by many people's standards and even by my own estimation. What I am doing now has been very rewarding, but it is like sacrificing your life for a small metal they pin on your chest. The metal diminishes the action; the action has its own reward and its highest honour. I am growing to understand how the genie in the bottle must have felt after thousands of years of no rescue, "Ready to kill his rescuer, should he be set free."

I understand that the spirit cannot experience physical life and that is does so altruistically through the ego or body and yet this body aware of its connection with spirit does not feel life and it does not really participate in it.

This does not mean that I do not feel emotion or pain, but that I understand that the physical world is not real. It is the holodeck, the enactment of an intelligence or thought that wishes to express itself. There are no innocent victims. There is only one soul and that soul is expressed through the experience of the individual parts of itself and it cannot be injured or made extinct and all parts work together in agreement to create an experience. The emotion is physical and does not apply to spirit or mind.

Emotions are the connection between thought and physical experience. They are that which drives the physical body in its individuality, and they separate mind from body.

The emotions seem as abstract to me as one that has never had a headache trying to understand or experience one. He or she imagines the pain but does not connect to it. Mind cannot feel or experience, it can only imagine. It is emotionless, cold and deliberate.

My own awareness spans the triune and it is the matrix or common denominator that holds all three together. I believe that there is much more than that. There is mind, body and spirit and something else. For the time being I believe that there is another dimension and another. At this moment I feel at home with that thought. I have read about the fourth and fifth dimensions, but it is only at this moment that I feel a connection to it. Perhaps this is insanity, early dementia or a bad hair day, or perhaps this explains why I am alone, and why I am not easily understood.

I believe that the world is perfect the way it is, the struggle, famine, war, natural disasters, fear and lack are all created by humanity because that is truly what it wants to experience. If it were not, human kind would simply change its thoughts and what it experiences.

In all these things I have found people that experience the world as heaven, peace and abundance is what they experience. The only difference between them and those that are experiencing hell is their thoughts. They know of war, struggle and suffering, but they choose not to experience them or make them part of their lives. It is as a television receiver that can display 500 channels. They all exist at the same time and place, but only one is focused on at a time. If you want to experience war, tune into that station. If you want to experience angels, tune into that station. The kinds of shows that you tune into are physical symbols of what's going on in your mind. Focus on what you want to experience and it will be brought into your life.

With awareness comes power, and with power comes responsibility to use it. Power is not power unless it is experienced. Constructive power comes to us within our ability to use it responsibly. Too much power makes us drunk and we loose the ability to use our new power beneficially.

It would do us little good to have power suddenly thrust upon us if we where not ready for it. In real life we can see how that happens when someone wins huge amounts of money and then squanders it away. Every one of us has the power to walk on water, turn water into wine or turn a fish into a buffet. We regulate ourselves through awareness of not having that power and limit our access to it.

One of the greatest opportunities in the physical life is to use the awareness that we have to interact with others for the benefit of all and to raise their awareness so that they may use their powers wisely. The physical life is the only realm of existence that we can experience the power to alter our environment at will. How we use the power is an expression of our maturity and enlightenment. If one does not believe that they have this power they will never experience it, so acceptance of power brings power to self. Acceptance of power brings with it the responsibility to move to greater levels of awareness and power is the ability to move from one step to the next. It is not "carte blanch," to use it at ones present level of understanding for any other reason.

With acquired new power one places him/herself in the precarious position of loosing contact or communication with others in their present circumstances. It is as one that speaks English and then suddenly has the ability to understand German overnight. Present associations will deteriorate if the new language is used. This person will want to find others that he can communicate with in the new language and this would be natural. A responsible person would not use this new ability to control others that have not acquired the same understanding. The power is simply a stepping stone and one must move on or deny the power and stay as they are or destroy themselves by severing relationships and finding themselves deposed and placed in exile.

With the new awareness and power that I have now acquired it would make no sense to stay in my present circumstances. Using my power in this present area of awareness would be malpractice and not what power is intentioned for. This places me at a crossroads.

Because I do not have a clear understanding of what spirit wants to experience, I have the alternate choice of acceptance that will allow spirit to bring into my awareness the new probabilities that I must choose from. The responsibility for self always lies with self and it cannot be given away only ignored, but never forgotten. Because I have awareness of this new power and choose not to use it, it would gradually eat away at me and affect the sanctity of my presence of mind. Power is a catalyst and it permanently alters the chemistry that I am now experiencing.

I have felt this change coming for some time. I have been impatient and am finding it increasingly difficult to function in the status quo. I am being driven forward in preparation to make new choices, often angered and restless. I am in that state of chaos that turns the caterpillar into the butterfly.

I have written this article for myself to try and bring out what these changes mean for me, so that I may understand. I have published this article so that others that are going through the same changes may find some understanding as well. There are not many that will understand but the few that can relate will find recognition and comfort. You are not alone.

Roy E. Klienwachter is a resident of British Columbia, Canada. A student of NLP, an ordained minister, New Age Light Worker and Teacher. Roy has written and published seven ebooks on New Age wisdom and a new book coming out in late 2005 in paper form. Roy's books are thought provoking and designed to empower you to take responsibility for your life and what you create. His books and articles are written in the simplicity and eloquence of Zen wisdom.

You may not always agree with what he has to say. You will always come away with a new perspective and your thinking will never be the same.

Roy's style is honest and comes straight from the heart without all the metaphorical mumble jumble and BS.

Visit Roy at: http://www.klienwachter.com