"When will you ever learn?"

From the same family as

"why can't you ever....."

and

"how many times have I told you....."

Do we really, actually, really believe that our kids are going to respond well to some of the dumb things we say? Did we respond well when our parents said these things to us? How would you respond if your boss spoke to you that way?

How to commit an adultism

These are what Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott, authors of "Positive Discipline for Teenagers" call "adultisms."

Don't worry, this has nothing to do with adultery.

We commit an adultism when we forget what it's like to think, act and perceive the world as a child and then expect a child who has never been an adult to think, act and perceive the world like an adult.

Newsflash: Adults and teens see the world and think differently than one another. I'm not trying to be sarcastic here. I'm simply trying to remind us of what we already know - teens are not yet adults.

They won't unless we teach them.

ParentTip One - An alternative would be to simply ask,

"what were you trying to accomplish by (fill in the blank)."

ParentTip Two - Try the Columbo approach - you know the one "help me out here, I'm a little confused. What were you trying to do?"

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring .