Mark and JoAnne are the parents of a daughter who recently graduated eighth grade and will be attending high school. The girl is a straight "A" student and though slated to attend public school, her parents felt that she will have better social influences and curriculum at a p rivate school believing that her recent rebellion and acting out sexual behavior with boys was a reflection on her previous school setting. In order for them to ensure she was in the best possible environment, Mark and JoAnne attended the parent and teacher conference at the private school.

The focus of the meeting was to reassure parents that the school had a strong curriculum with the proper emphasis on the three R's, as well as other academic building blocks. When the parents left the meeting they were ecstatic. When they told their daughter of the pending change in schools, however, her reaction was dramatic. Her defiance increased and the sexual acting out became more frequent and blatant. She was even arrested for shoplifting. After a month of family turmoil they turned to counseling. After a short period of time it was clear that the parents' focus on academic building blocks and seemingly natural academic path for a straight "A" student was at the expense of recognizing that an equally essential building block to ensure their daughter's success in life was missing. She had no self-esteem.

The ability to feel self worth is an essential human survival skill. It provides the necessary sense of competence, motivation and ability to deal with those things and people that complicate the art of living life to its highest potential. Without self-esteem the ability to successfully navigate life's hurdles is greatly diminished. People with low or no self-esteem are more likely to retaliate against life's stresses because there is a tendency for them to attach their self worth to each and every event they experience; everything is personalized and the necessary rational and strategic solutions to a problem are circumvented.

Lack of self-worth is also an equal opportunity destroyer, impacting the entire spectrum of economic and social classes. Unlike a case of measles, it may not be easily detected. Previously, people with low esteem were more easily recognized by their acute withdrawal or aberrant behavior, all of which may still exist. However, many current sufferers of this condition present a competent and unaffected exterior, while on the inside they live a life of internal turmoil and fear.

Where does self-esteem come from? Some clinicians feel that a child's personality is pre-disposed, while others feel that it can be instilled and taught the same way any cognitive task can be incorporated. It seems more accurate that there is a healthy combination of both polarized views. Though the etiology of the condition is important, for parents it is more beneficial to understand the signs and symptoms of those who are affected.

Children with low self-esteem may be overly shy, but others may have a tendency to be bullies, or show aggression with younger siblings or peers. Most are also prone to have strong or exaggerated emotional responses to frustration, hold grudges, perseverate on their appearance, or focus on things that they perceive to be unfair, such as a friend, a sibling with more toys, privileges or attention, etc. As they get older, they may deal with their inferiority by feigning sickness to avoid school or social situations and are more likely to engage in high risk behaviors - everything from sexually acting out, eating disorders, shoplifting, smoking, using drugs, or underachieving. Emotionally, they may feel undo stress for children of a similar age and feel pressure from activities that others would consider recreational, or social.

As parents, it is also important to understand that low self-esteem is also an emotional condition with deep roots and not solely a cognitive disorder. There is a tendency for parents to "talk away," or attempt to rationally explain to their children why they "should" feel good about themselves. However, attempting to convince the child they should feel differently is ineffective, though some reality testing with clinical finesse may be incorporated into family discussions. This approach is more likely to teach the child to better hide their feelings of inadequacies, replace parental communication with mistrust and keep outside appearances flawless. Instead, we can nurture our children's esteem by providing our children with a loving and nurturing environment and keeping good lines of communication. It is also essential to keep challenging their abilities by teaching them how to navigate life's hurdles, rather than how to avoid them, all while setting realistic limits and consequences. In extreme cases, professional intervention can be effective in teaching the child and family how to accommodate feelings of low self-esteem.

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David Aronshohn is a doctor of psychology and licensed marriage and family therapist. He maintains a private and corporate consultation practice out of Westlake Village, CA. 818/735-0428. To read more articles by David visit http://www.creativechildonline.com

Disclaimer-The advice in this article is not meant to act as professional advice, or counseling for your particular set of circumstances. It is designed for general knowledge. It is recommended that if you feel you need individual assistance for you or your family, you seek the advice and intervention of a licensed professional that can provide help for your particular set of circumstances.