Dating After A Divorce
Divorce, no doubt is an intricate phase in one's life, several
issues have to be resolved, vivid memories of the past have to
be deleted, self-esteem and confidence have to be rejuvenated,
and the deep laceration that divorce leaves behind have to be
provided healing touch. You may feel exasperated dealing with
divorce trepidations, and in such a scenario you definitely will
not have the time as well as energies to devote to dating.
Several questions will impinge your mind simultaneously such as,
"Would someone really want me?" or "Would anyone find me
attractive?" or "Will I ever learn to date again?"
During excruciating divorce proceedings you may feel lonely and
desire the camaraderie of someone. You may also find someone,
but he/she may only be lending a sympathetic shoulder for you to
cry up on and may soon be fed up of your problems with
ex-spouse, children, in-laws or daily trips to New York lawyers
firm. Do not rush into a new relationship in haste because it
will be built on a weak foundation and in no time it will
crumble. Moreover, it is not good to initiate a new relationship
while the trails of the past relationship have still not
disappeared, that is you are still in the last stages of your
official or final separation. Not only will it save you some
explanation in the court, but it will also speed up the process
and free you in no time.
Now that you are single and ready to mingle, you should first
focus on whether dating is right for you or not. Do not let
others compel you to rush or go slow, take your own decisions.
The divorce tempest must have left you perplexed. Give yourself
some time to revert back to a normal being. Do things that lift
up your spirits and make you feel more confident. Work on
improving your own self and self-esteem. Take good care of
yourself. Join a gym to tone up your physique, eat healthy, and
get a facial, streaks in your hair and a manicure. Give yourself
a complete makeover, buy new accessories, clothes, etc. This
will help you to triumph over the horrendous past.
Take time to think about your children. Be prepared for their
medley of reactions about your new relationship. They may be
supportive or they may simply not support your new relationship.
They may sabotage your dating plans, whine when you're on the
phone, misbehave when your date arrives, fail to give you
messages, and otherwise throw a wrench into your best-laid
plans. Do not forget that your children have gone through the
same grieving process as you have. Remember your date can
possibly never replace their other parent, so give them time,
eventually you will find your children beside you.
Resist the temptation of someone who is totally different from
your ex-spouse. Remember, that there were a lot of things about
your ex-spouse that appealed you once up on a time. For heaven's
sake do not indulge in any relationship just to wage revenge on
your ex. Nobody relishes an emotional roller coaster ride. Your
first relationship should be a healing experience. It should
revitalize your feelings, and your emotions. It is the best time
to rediscover yourself. It is not necessary that the first
relationship should be a long one or last forever. Don't be bog
down if a break up occurs because at least you got a chance to
wet your feet.