Parenting Your Children Positively: How To Stop Being Your Child's Personal Servant

"My kids are just lazy."

"Why is it so hard for my daughter to keep her room clean?"

"It's easier to avoid a fight and just do my children's chores for them."

"If I let my kids clean, I'll just have to go back and redo things anyway..."

Have you ever had thoughts like these? I'm sure every parent has. So, what to do?

How can you get your children to help out around the house - and maybe even enjoy it?

Last Friday, a parent in my daughter's first grade class asked me the following question:

"I'm thinking of giving my son some responsibility or 'chores' to teach him responsibility for himself and others and property. Do you have any ideas on what would be appropriate for a 6 year old?....."

Ahhh...creating a responsible child. YES, I think giving children responsibility at an early age is fantastic! If you haven't started giving your children responsibility, start NOW!!

Children love to have structure in their lives, they may not always act like they do, but studies have shown that structure and responsibility are actually two things that children crave in their daily lives. You can start as early as 18 months of age with responsibility. Now I know that many of you are thinking, Tammi is crazy, how can an 18 month old learn responsibility? An example of this is when your child is done playing with something ask them to help you pick it up. If there are blocks laying on the floor, say, 'Can you help mommy put one block in the box?' Show them what you mean and have them follow your example. Once your child has done this once, make a big deal out of it. Praise them, clap for them, give them a high five or a hug. Have fun with the fact that your child just listened to you and helped you pick up a toy. You not only can use this time as a time for when you are teaching responsibility, but a general time for teaching. For example, 'Can you pick up a toy that has red on it and put it in your basket?' Not only are they cleaning up, but they are working on color, number, shape recognition as well. Make a game out of learning and your child will pick up not only their toys, but essential academics as well.

For children that are older, play the 'I Spy' game with them. If their room is a mess, go up there with them and say 'I spy something green'. When they pick up the green item, say yes and have them put it away. Then have your child spy something for you to pick out and pick up. Simple game you can play with your child and you get the room cleaned up all at the same time. The key to having a responsible child is having expectations for them. Are they always going to do what is asked of them? No, but always including them in family duties, not only teaches them responsibility, but really makes them feel like they are a part of the family and that they are important to you. The bonus here is that you get to spend more time with your child in a positive way.

Here is a list of possible ideas fro you to have your children help you with:

4 year olds and younger:

* Putting toys away (even if at first it is only a few)

* helping you put silverware away. Give them the spoons to put in the drawer. ( of course most will not end up in the right place at first, but that is ok)

* Have them help you with dinner (putting dry ingredients into a recipe)

* Have them put away kitchen wash towels or rags in the drawer that they can reach

* Have them put non breakable items (Fruit ) into the refrigerator after grocery shopping.

* Have them get diapers or wipes that you may need for changing a younger sibling

* Have them push in the chairs after dinner

* Give them a broom and ask them to sweep ( Again they won't be good at it, but praise them, they are trying and that is what is most important)

5 years old and up:

* Increase the frequency in which they are responsible for things

* Put their dirty dishes on the counter or rinse them off in the sink

* Set the table (Have all the plates, utensils, cups, etc. out for them and have them set the table)

*Have them sweep after dinner

*Empty part or all of the dishwasher or put clean dishes away after they are washed

* Feed a pet water or food

* Clean up their dirty laundry and make sure that it is put in the proper place

* Have them make their own bed (It may not look like what you want it to, but fix it later after they have left the room)

* Have them put away their backpack and coat after school

* Have them get their clothes out for school the next day

* Give them a Clorox wipe and have them wipe down the bathroom counters

* Give them a rag with dusting product on it and have them dust all the furniture at their level

The list is endless, be creative and mix it up from time to time.

I have found with my own kids that they more I involve them in my daily activities, the more they are willing to help me out and not put up a fight. The other night we were talking to our older two daughters (11