In his book "The Bridge Across Forever," Richard Bach asks the question,

"Have you ever felt alone in a world of strangers, missing someone you have never met?"

The book goes on to describe his search for a partner in life, what he calls a "soul mate."

I believe that all of us have a profound desire to find someone with whom to have a deep and abiding, intimate relationship.

This search springs from a longing inside each of us to find completion and wholeness with another person.

We fear what I we want most

Let's take a look at some of the obstacles to finding this kind of relationship.

Fear of intimacy

We human beings are fairly complicated. Many people deeply fear the very thing they most want. Striking a healthy balance between a fear of and a desire for an intimate relationship can be very difficult. When a fear of intimacy takes over, people can become experts at relationship sabotage.

Faulty relationship radar. Some people continually make the same poor choices of partner. It's as if each of us had an "internal radar" that picks up "our kind" of person. Whether your radar scans for healthy or unhealthy choices depends on how it is set. How your internal radar, is set depends on three factors:

1) your self-esteem,

2) the model of relationships set by the family in which you grew up and

3) your own relationship experience.

Movies, literature and music have given us the notion that "somewhere out there" is the one perfect person for each of us. I'll probably get some letters about this, but I don't think this matches reality. If you just look around, you'll notice that many "perfect matches" are divorced within a few years.

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