The inexact science of penis size measurement.
Here's a question I bet you can't answer, though the economy of
the free world depends on it--you know, rockets, tall buildings,
showbiz, oil wells, rifles, professional sports, world wars.
How long is the average penis?
As a Valentine's Day gift, I shall solve the mystery.
Outside the pages of unbuttoned magazines and buttoned-down sex
surveys, out-loud discussions of size have been avoided for
ages. Now, every day we're accosted with the latest technology
of penis elongation. Your e-mail, my e-mail, everyone's e-mail
is flooded with breathless promises: "You, Rose," one message
tells my infant niece, "can have a larger penis using the latest
non-surgical advances."
The penis elongation industry has created the need for careful
studies to determine who should and should not be considered for
"augmentation." Urologists worldwide are busily stretching and
measuring and reporting their findings. Most recent articles
hail from outside the United States--the Italians, Turks, and
Greeks seem especially engaged. There is a fascination with
determining the dimensions of newborn boys of different ethnic
pedigrees. From Ben-Gurion University in Israel, we have
"Clitoral and penile sizes of full term newborns in two
different ethnic groups" (Jewish and Bedouin), and from
Singapore General Hospital, "Penile length of [Chinese, Malay,
and Indian] newborns in Singapore."
The modern story begins in 1942, when American researchers W.A.
Schonfeld and G.W. Beebe set out to define normal genital growth
and variation in males from birth into their 20s. They measured
penis length (using a wooden ruler), circumference (using a
series of graded rings), and testis volume (using an instrument
called the orchidometer) in 1,500 volunteers of various ages.
But it wasn't so easy. And the difficulties that the first wave
of researchers encountered continue to render our latter-day
interpretation of penis studies a risky business.
First off, what do you measure--from where to where? What
configuration should the penis be in--erect or flaccid? What
about room temperature? (George Costanza was on firm scientific
ground when he lamented the grim reality of shrinkage.)
Furthermore, who should do the measuring? Self-reported
measurements are more, um, forgiving than size determined by a
disinterested medical professional, by half an inch or more. The
methodological problem is on display in online penis measurement
surveys like altpenis.com (900,000 and counting) or
sizesurvey.com. More importantly, it confounds the most
frequently quoted study in the field, by Alfred Kinsey. The
great sex researcher of the 1950s interviewed 18,000 men, 3,500
of whom mailed back cards on which they recorded their own
length and circumference in both erect and flaccid states.
(Click here for a recent reanalysis of Kinsey's data that
compares the penis length of heterosexuals and homosexuals.)
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The 1940s researchers introduced another problem. After much
analysis and reanalysis, they concluded that measurement of
neither the flaccid nor the erect penis could be reliably
reproduced. So, they created a new approach: They measured the
flaccid but stretched penis. Although statistically validated
and still used in most studies, this method of measurement
creates a different conundrum, because the maximally stretched
flaccid penis simply does not exist in nature. Outside the
doctor's office, no one has ever seen one. Who cares how long
the average one is? Plus, the stretch-'em approach has led to
some bitterness in the literature, over a study by French
researchers who stretched the penises of their subjects three
times and reported suspect lengths--on average, more than an
inch longer than the rest of the pack. Cheaters.
So, after more than 60 years, and thousands and thousands of
penises measured for the cause, we still don't know who should
measure, what to measure (erect, flaccid, or stretched), where
to measure from (the pelvic bone to the tip of the glans is the
usual itinerary, but some researchers push the ruler against the
pubic bone to give obese people a break, or don't allow for the
gain in length of curvature), or how many measurements are
enough to assure an accurate result. Posted on
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But wait--there's a hidden benefit here. The lack of resolution
teaches readers to scrutinize how a study is conducted. The
literature on penis size--found in such journals as The Archives
of Sexual Behavior, European Urology, and The Journal of
Pediatric Endocrinology and Metabolism--makes everyone an expert
in methodology. In this field, readers are wired for the
slightest perturbation. Once you've become a veteran of the
penis-elongation debate (and I invite you to join), you know all
about how data can be massaged or manipulated. You'll never
again read a Gallup Poll on unemployment stats and accept the
findings at face value.
My hope is that the golden age of penis literature will usher in
another golden age--with a revenge-of-the-nerds twist--of
alertness to the countless nuances embedded in statistics. Roger
Maris and his mighty asterisk made us aware that the rate of
home runs matters more than the raw number of dingers per season
(60 HRs in 154 games trumps 61 in 162 games every time). The
field of penis elongation should make us similarly mindful of
the limits of selective information.
But in case you're still wondering, here is what we know: When
self-measured, the median length of a stretched flaccid penis is
about 5.1 inches. For an erect penis, most studies come in at
5.5 to 6 inches. The average flaccid penis is in the 3.5- to
4-inch range. If someone else is doing the measuring, well, the
numbers come out lower. But go ahead, add a little extra. After
all, it's Valentine's Day.